At the risk of sounding falsely humble, I must admit I don’t have this community-building thing figured out. I have co-laborers in my church and in my ministry who are far better at fostering healthy community than I. (Though I’ll also admit I’m better than many of them at knowing the previous sentence should end with “I” and not “me.”) However, none of them were available in time for publication, and you’re stuck with me. Here are a few helpful ideas I’ve picked up over the years:
Jeff Helsel (2012), Creative Commons
1. Love must reach beyond the timeframe of the Bible study meeting. If people think I care about them only during the 90 minutes allotted to our meeting, they’ll learn to limit their care for one another to the same time slot.
2. Take initiative. Ask people how they’re doing. Remember what they tell you so you can ask them again later. If someone is disengaged from the group, ask a direct question to draw that person back.
3. Ask people to participate. When people are good at something, find ways to ask them to keep doing it for the group. Give them jobs, and with them will come a greater sense of ownership in the group.
4. Have fun together. If you don’t yet have a sense of humor, buy one. People get exhausted when their conversation with you is always very serious and deep. You’ll seem more human when they can lower their defenses and simply have fun.
5. Ask them to observe. If someone is struggling, ask others (without breaking confidences, of course) how they think that person is doing. Ask those people what they think would best serve the struggler.
6. Give them real people responsibility. Ask people to play a part in each others’ lives. “Could you get lunch with Robert for a few weeks to encourage him through this difficult time?”
7. Serve together. Find tasks or service projects that need to be done in your church or community, and work on them together with your group. Nothing lowers defenses and grows relationships more than a little sweat and shared service, especially when you get outside of your normal routine together.
8. Celebrate criticism. My former pastor Tedd Tripp once told me that when someone criticizes him or the church, it means God has gifted that person in that area. (If you’re gifted at something, you’re likely to think the people around you aren’t very good in that area.) So he always thanks them and thanks God for them. Then he asks them to help fix it. Perhaps God put them here for that very purpose. This advice is good for leaders of all stripes. Don’t get defensive; choose to celebrate any and all criticism of you or your leadership.
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