Drink water from your own cistern,
Flowing water from your own well.
Should your springs be scattered abroad,
Streams of water in the streets?
Let them be for yourself alone,
And not for strangers with you.
Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice in the wife of your youth,
A lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
Be intoxicated always in her love.
Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman
And embrace the bosom of an adulteress? (Prov 5:15-20, ESV)
Sexual freedom is an illusion because immorality always brings death. But the Lord’s alternative is surprisingly intoxicating.
Before sipping from the glory of this text, however, consider two misconceptions regarding such sexually ecstatic and eye-popping-ly explicit Bible passages.
No peeking!
The first misconception is that it’s not decent. We shouldn’t discuss anatomy in public. Intoxicating love is awkward and uncomfortable. This sort of thing is okay to discuss in the last session of pre-marital counseling (at least, if the couple-to-be asks about it), but nowhere else.
Such prudishness about sexual matters led the medieval church to all sorts of ridiculous limitations on not only discussion but also the practice of vibrant sexuality in marriage. A friend of mine once showed me a “flow chart of sexual decision making, according to medieval penitential manuals.”[1] If you’re trying to bring back that loving feeling, make sure you answer each of the following questions correctly.
Are you married? Is this your spouse? Married more than three days? Is the wife menstruating? Is the wife pregnant? Is the wife nursing a child? Is it Lent? Is it Advent? Is it Whitsun week? Is it Easter week? Is it a feast day? Is it a fast day? Is it Sunday? Is it Wednesday? Is it Friday? Is it Saturday? Is it daylight? Are you naked? Are you in Church? Do you want a child? Then go ahead, but be careful: No fondling! No lewd kisses! No oral sex! No strange positions! Only once! Try not to enjoy it! Good luck! And take a bath when you’re finished.
Of course, we’re far more sophisticated today. We’d never go to such excess. We just make sure to teach the youth what they can’t do, and in the process, we neglect the beauty and glory of what God has in store for those who do it his way.
The second misconception about such Bible passages is that marriage will solve my lust problem. As an unmarried man, I once memorized Prov 5:15-20 with the full intention of wielding it against whichever fortunate young lady fell to the irresistible charm of my marriage proposal. If you can relate, let me challenge you: Your lust is selfish, and marriage won’t fix you. If you’re already married, more frequent sex won’t fix you. Yes, Paul said, “it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Cor 7:9), but that does not authorize you to treat your spouse as kindling for your own consumption. Far better for you to cleanse her “by the washing of water with the word” (Eph 5:25-28), even if it means you have to take lots of cold showers along the way. Your problem lies not with your singleness (nor with your spouse’s unresponsiveness), but within your own heart. Your greatest need is not for the freedom to execute your desire on a beloved, but for the freedom that comes from self-controlled self-denial.
Both misconceptions fail to grapple with verse 18: “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth.” Observe two things: You ought to rejoice in your spouse, and you ought to rejoice in your spouse. We’ll unpack these two observations over the next two weeks.
[1] From James A. Brundage, Law, Sex, and Christian Society in Medieval Europe (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1987), p.162. Disclosure: this is an affiliate link, so if you click on it and buy stuff from Amazon, you’ll support our site at no extra cost to yourself.
The worst and funniest sermon I ever heard used these very verses only slightly out of context. Some pastor somewhere (happily not my church) was talking about moral purity and then quoted Proverbs 5:16 to 18 with lots of emphasis on “Should your springs be scattered abroad, Streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, And not for strangers with you.”. He explained that the waters were the “emissions” (a sfw version of the word he used) of a man and that he should keep his “emissions” for his wife. I had read the verses just a day or so before and knew what Proverbs 5:15 said… I burst out laughing and couldn’t stop for a few minutes. Thankfully I was watching over internet and wasn’t there in person. I still laugh out loud every time I see those verses. I’m giggling at this very moment