The Best Object of Sexual Delight

Previously, I examined two atrocious abuses of sexually explicit Bible texts. I concluded with two observations from Prov 5:18: You ought to rejoice in your spouse, and you ought to rejoice in your spouse. This week I’ll unpack the second observation.

Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice in the wife of your youth (Prov 5:18, ESV)

Observe the proper object of delight: rejoice in “the wife of your youth” (Prov 5:18). “Be intoxicated always in her love” (Prov 5:19). Solomon does not say, “Rejoice in how amazing the whole thing is,” or, “Get drunk on the incomparable sensations of sex.” We’ve seen it already with money issues, and we’ll see it again in the next few chapters of Proverbs: We’re always tempted to focus on ourselves. In doing so, however, we ruin the very joy God desires for us.

Marriage will not solve your lust problem. Sex will not make you happy. Sexual climax will always result in crushing disappointment when it’s about you. However, when it’s about the other, when it begins with self-denial and ends with sacrificial service, when it regards the well-being and delight of your spouse as being more important than your own, then it reflects God’s own selfless love for his people. You begin to understand the delight and ecstasy of sharing Christ’s own heart for the Church (Eph 5:31-32), and you will fulfill your potential of having been created and redeemed in his image, after his own likeness.

In The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis understood that true godly romantic love finds delight in a person, a spouse, not in a feeling or experience:

We use a most unfortunate idiom when we say, of a lustful man prowling the streets, that he “wants a woman.” Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want. He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus. How much he cares about the woman as such may be gauged by his attitude to her five minutes after fruition (one does not keep the carton after one has smoked the cigarettes). Now Eros makes a man really want, not a woman, but one particular woman. In some mysterious but quite indisputable fashion the lover desires the Beloved herself, not the pleasure she can give.[1]

By contrast, love of Love harms the lover: “Love becomes a demon when it becomes a god.”[2]

If you are unmarried, you do not have to get married to have a fulfilling existence. If you aspire to marriage, the best preparation is to practice serving others now. As you think about sex and dating, “How far can I go?” is always the wrong question. Instead ask, “How sacrificially can I serve others?”

If you are widowed or divorced, you have not yet lost the good years; now is the time to lay down your life in Christ-like abandon for those around you. Don’t fall prey to bitterness or self-pity. Find help, and engage the community.

If you are married, perhaps you need to repent of the selfish way you’ve exercised your passion thus far, of the way you’ve either made unloving demands or withdrawn in desperate self-protection. Demanding certain acts or increased frequency of lovemaking may have been out of line. Resisting your spouse in fear may be selfish and unloving. Whatever your struggle, consider a new goal: “What will serve my spouse and Christ?” For in such consideration, we find real freedom and Christ-like empowerment.

Thus, whatever your marital status and whatever your history, the Lord offers you the opportunity to enjoy something better than you dreamed possible. He offers you pure water, sweet streams, and a blessed fountain, but only when your satisfaction is rooted in the denial of self and the satisfaction of others. Don’t settle for a trifle.