God's Wisdom | Knowable Word

The Best Object of Sexual Delight

April 24, 2026 By Peter Krol

Previously, I examined two atrocious abuses of sexually explicit Bible texts. I concluded with two observations from Prov 5:18: You ought to rejoice in your spouse, and you ought to rejoice in your spouse. This week I’ll unpack the second observation.

Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice in the wife of your youth (Prov 5:18)

Observe the proper object of delight: rejoice in “the wife of your youth” (Prov 5:18). “Be intoxicated always in her love” (Prov 5:19). Solomon does not say, “Rejoice in how amazing the whole thing is,” or, “Get drunk on the incomparable sensations of sex.” We’ve seen it already with money issues, and we’ll see it again in the next few chapters of Proverbs: We’re always tempted to focus on ourselves. In doing so, however, we ruin the very joy God desires for us.

Marriage will not solve your lust problem. Sex will not make you happy. Sexual climax will always result in crushing disappointment when it’s about you. However, when it’s about the other, when it begins with self-denial and ends with sacrificial service, when it regards the well-being and delight of your spouse as being more important than your own, then it reflects God’s own selfless love for his people. You begin to understand the delight and ecstasy of sharing Christ’s own heart for the Church (Eph 5:31-32), and you will fulfill your potential of having been created and redeemed in his image, after his own likeness.

In The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis understood that true godly romantic love finds delight in a person, a spouse, not in a feeling or experience:

We use a most unfortunate idiom when we say, of a lustful man prowling the streets, that he “wants a woman.” Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want. He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus. How much he cares about the woman as such may be gauged by his attitude to her five minutes after fruition (one does not keep the carton after one has smoked the cigarettes). Now Eros makes a man really want, not a woman, but one particular woman. In some mysterious but quite indisputable fashion the lover desires the Beloved herself, not the pleasure she can give.[1]

By contrast, love of Love harms the lover: “Love becomes a demon when it becomes a god.”[2]

If you are unmarried, you do not have to get married to have a fulfilling existence. If you aspire to marriage, the best preparation is to practice serving others now. As you think about sex and dating, “How far can I go?” is always the wrong question. Instead ask, “How sacrificially can I serve others?”

If you are widowed or divorced, you have not yet lost the good years; now is the time to lay down your life in Christ-like abandon for those around you. Don’t fall prey to bitterness or self-pity. Find help, and engage the community.

If you are married, perhaps you need to repent of the selfish way you’ve exercised your passion thus far, of the way you’ve either made unloving demands or withdrawn in desperate self-protection. Demanding certain acts or increased frequency of lovemaking may have been out of line. Resisting your spouse in fear may be selfish and unloving. Whatever your struggle, consider a new goal: “What will serve my spouse and Christ?” For in such consideration, we find real freedom and Christ-like empowerment.

Thus, whatever your marital status and whatever your history, the Lord offers you the opportunity to enjoy something better than you dreamed possible. He offers you pure water, sweet streams, and a blessed fountain, but only when your satisfaction is rooted in the denial of self and the satisfaction of others. Don’t settle for a trifle.

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

[1] The Four Loves (New York, Harcourt, Brace, 1960), p.94. Disclosure: This is an affiliate link, so if you click it and buy stuff from Amazon, you’ll support our site at no extra cost to yourself.

[2] p.22.

The Only Intoxication the Bible Advises

April 17, 2026 By Peter Krol

Last week, I examined two atrocious abuses of sexually explicit Bible texts. I concluded with two observations from Prov 5:18: You ought to rejoice in your spouse, and you ought to rejoice in your spouse. This week I’ll unpack the first observation.

Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice in the wife of your youth (Prov 5:18)

Subharnab Majumdar (2009), Creative Commons

God’s plan is for joy. It’s not for well-contained respectability. It’s not for safely restricted teenagers. It’s not for secretly confused husbands and wives. Pastor Paul Browne of New Life Orthodox Presbyterian Church in Williamsport, PA spoke at length of this joy, from Solomon’s other famous love poem, at my wedding:

The Song of Solomon appropriately celebrates the only kind of intoxication that the Bible advises, which is that we should be drunk on the love of our wives and husbands, but it celebrates that intoxication with a clear-eyed, morning-after sobriety. It doesn’t present the unimproved, unexamined, sophomoric, sickly sweet cotton candy goo of immature infatuation…

Marriage is the covenanted giving of two selves, man and woman, one to another, as long as they both shall live. This is an unreserved giving and receiving of self that involves body and soul, an exhaustive mutual indwelling, a complete interpenetration of persons, a relationship involving a simultaneous oneness and twoness that doesn’t erase individual identity, but sharpens it.

It is a fact that the Song of Solomon very much emphasizes the physical, bodily aspect of this mutual giving. In Song 2:16, “he grazes among the lilies” refers to kissing or the other intimacies of physical lovemaking in the Song…

So not only do the bride and groom anxiously await the time they can give themselves physically in God-blessed physical sexuality, but she envisions it lasting until “the day breathes, and the shadows flee away.” Here is the Word of God commending to us all-night making love in unbroken romantic tryst until the morning. And, of course, the bride in the Song of Solomon knows the possibility because she again likens her lover to a gazelle or a stag: sure-footed, agile, virile, potent, living life in 4-wheel drive…

The wonder of it is that this is lovemaking that takes place in a garden setting, a paradise that is untainted by guilt. When the shadows flee away, and the day comes, there are no regrets, there’s no sorrow, there is no fear of the light exposing wrongdoing, because God blesses this lovemaking in the permanently covenanted setting of marriage.[1]

God intends such intoxicating delight for every married couple, but it’s only possible when we do it according to the way of wisdom. God’s plan is for joy.

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

[1] Excerpt from Browne’s sermon delivered at my wedding on September 18, 2004.

Thanks for visiting Knowable Word! If you like this article, you might be interested in receiving regular updates from us. You can sign up for our email list (enter your address in the box on the upper right of this page), follow us on Facebook or Twitter, or subscribe to our RSS feed.

Appearances are Deceiving, Especially When Hormones are Involved

March 13, 2026 By Peter Krol

The cultural ideal of “sexual freedom” is an illusion. Don’t be fooled.

My son, be attentive to my wisdom;
Incline your ear to my understanding,
That you may keep discretion,
And your lips may guard knowledge.
For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey,
And her speech is smoother than oil (Prov 5:1-3)

Solomon begins Proverbs 5 with another reminder to listen to his wisdom (Prov 5:1). If we don’t passively receive and actively seek instruction in the sexual realm, we endanger our lives. Once we receive it through our ears, we ought to “keep discretion” (presumably in our hearts, as Prov 4:21 advises). Then it changes who we are, affecting what we do, especially with our “lips” (Prov 5:2). Our lips must guard knowledge because honey drips from the forbidden woman’s lips. Her speech is smooth enough to make oil seem irritating, so we ought to be ready (Prov 5:3).

Before continuing, let’s clarify who the “forbidden woman” is. Remember that Proverbs is a work of poetic wisdom literature. As poetry, it makes liberal use of imagery to evoke an emotional reaction, but, as wisdom literature, it assumes we’ll think hard about what we’re reading. Earlier in Proverbs, Solomon exaggerated the portraits of his characters: the bumbling gang of thieves (Prov 1:10-19), Lady Wisdom the mocking street preacher (Prov 1:20-33), the adulteress whose house sinks through the ground into the grave (Prov 2:16-19), and the sleep-deprived, ferocious evildoers (Prov 4:14-17).

Solomon paints such an exaggerated picture of his subject to strengthen his point. He takes a character type and vividly describes the worst-case scenario for that type, thus including all variations of explicitness and severity. For example, in describing the violent gang, Solomon critiques all who want to get more stuff at the expense of others (Prov 1:19). Through Wisdom’s speech, Solomon warns not only those who have already harmed themselves but also everyone who loves being simple (Prov 1:22). When he warns against joining ravenous evildoers, he warns us to avoid their highway, not just their particular rest stop. We shouldn’t risk even entering it (Prov 4:14).

Who then is the “forbidden woman” in Proverbs 5? She includes loose women who tire of their husbands, but she ultimately represents every enticement to sexual immorality that you and I, whether male or female, experience. Solomon is clear about this fact when he broadens his final applications to include not just adulterers, and not just sexually immoral people, but all “the wicked” who show “great folly” (Prov 5:22-23). Whatever your gender, age, or marital status, this chapter of Proverbs applies to you. In fact, this chapter can help if your temptation involves the opposite sex, the same sex, solo sex, or images on a computer monitor. The “forbidden woman” still drips her honey at you, and you had better watch out. Therefore, for the sake of clarity, I’ll use the word “immorality” in future posts to refer to the opponent Solomon has in mind.

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

The Illusion of Sexual Freedom

March 6, 2026 By Peter Krol

Sex is a polarizing concept. It began beautifully when husband and wife were naked and unashamed (Gen 2:25), but it went downhill when they decided to love themselves more than God or each other (Gen 3:5, 7, 12, 22). Ever since, we’ve been terribly confused.

We need much wisdom to navigate between the proud lewdness of our culture and the traditional prudishness of Christians. Both sides represent a foolish oversimplification of what God intends sexuality to be, and the simple can get caught in the middle. And confusion multiplies when culture is prudish and Christians are lewd. Or when prudish Christians speak about sex as lewdly as the culture does. Or lewd Christians feign prudishness to fit in. How can the simple find their way?

In chapter 5 of Proverbs—which we’ll examine over the next few weeks—Solomon provides wisdom in the sexual realm. He suggests that not all is as it seems (Prov 5:1-6) and that the wrong choices have dire consequences (Prov 5:7-14). Utter unselfishness in the context of marital love is surprisingly intoxicating (Prov 5:15-20), and those who think they know satisfaction better than God does have sprung their own trap (Prov 5:21-23).

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

Be Aware of the Path You Follow

January 23, 2026 By Peter Krol

In Proverbs 4, Solomon explains how wisdom gives hope that anything can change. First, we must get wisdom at all costs. But to do so, we must know where to find it. Usually, remaining in bad patterns won’t help.

But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn,
Which shines brighter and brighter until full day.
The way of the wicked is like deep darkness;
They do not know over what they stumble (Prov 4:18-19).

In Prov 4:18-19, Solomon circles back for one last contrast between the hope of the righteous and the despair of the wicked. The path of the righteous faces the sunrise. Things might be a little hazy for you now; but stay the course, and it will brighten. You’ll gain more clarity, more conviction, and thus more hope for continued change.

If you choose the way of the wicked, you’re stuck in perpetual night. There’s a hint of mockery in the last line: “They do not know over what they stumble.” Those who tried to make others stumble (Prov 4:16) and failed against the righteous (Prov 4:12) now stumble themselves – without either realizing it or having any ability to remedy it. Folly and wickedness are both blinding and devastating, so, unfortunately, most travelers of this path don’t even understand the danger. As Waltke states:

The ignorance of both the nature and consequences of wickedness is the mark of absolute moral failure. [What they “stumble over”] refers to any agent that brings about the fatigue and death of the wicked. For example, many today see no connection between venereal disease and sexual immorality, between indulgent greed and national debt, between war and tribal thinking. Ultimately the agent is the LORD, who connects evil deeds with evil consequences. The wicked, however, cannot see the connection and die.[1]

Be aware of the path you follow, and know that what matters most is Christ. He endured the deepest darkness of God’s wrath so you could find life in him. If you stay where you are, things will never change. But in fearing the Lord, we have hope.

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

[1] Proverbs 1-15, pp.292-3. (Disclosure: This is an affiliate link, so if you click it and buy stuff from Amazon, your purchase will help support our site without any extra cost to you.)

Choose the Road to Life

January 16, 2026 By Peter Krol

To get unstuck from bad patterns, you should do whatever it takes to get wisdom. But where can you find it?

Hear, my son, and accept my words,
That the years of your life may be many.
I have taught you the way of wisdom;
I have led you in the paths of uprightness.
When you walk, your step will not be hampered,
And if you run, you will not stumble.
Keep hold of instruction; do not let go;
Guard her, for she is your life.
Do not enter the path of the wicked,
And do not walk in the way of the evil.
Avoid it; do not go on it;
Turn away from it and pass on.
For they cannot sleep unless they have done wrong;
They are robbed of sleep unless they have made someone stumble.
For they eat the bread of wickedness
And drink the wine of violence (Prov 4:10-17).

In this section, Solomon explains that there are only two possible trajectories in life: toward wisdom (Prov 4:11-13) or wickedness (Prov 4:14-17). If you are not on one path, you are on the other. Do you see why he just instructed us to do whatever it takes to get wisdom? The alternative is not worth it!

On the path of wisdom, you are more likely to live longer (Prov 4:10), honor God (Prov 4:11), avoid obstacles (Prov 4:12), and find life (Prov 4:13). On the path of wickedness, you are likely to find plenty of companionship (Prov 4:14-17) but not much else.

Notice how those on the way of evil end up becoming addicted to evil. Doing the wrong thing is the wicked person’s sedative (Prov 4:16) and sustenance (Prov 4:17); he just can’t live without it. He suffers from the worst kind of substance abuse.

Solomon is not saying that every person on this path is that evil; he’s saying that everyone on this path is on the way to becoming that evil. By illustrating the end of the road, he warns us to stay away. He’s like a police officer cautioning a teenage driver not to speed – not because every instance of speeding will produce disaster; but because, as he grows more reckless, he brings himself closer to the impending disaster without realizing it.

What’s the point? You can’t toy with evil. You shouldn’t make friends with folly. Trusting yourself is never a good idea. The way to life is found in hearing and accepting God’s words (Prov 4:1). You can’t keep doing what you’re doing and hope to get unstuck. You’ve got to turn (Prov 4:15) and make a radical break from the norm before you’ll experience lasting change. Once you do, however, the way forward often becomes clear and effective.

An Example

What does it look like to choose the road to life?

My friend Angie[1] struggled with manipulative, overbearing parents. She had become a Christian in college, and they did everything in their power to turn her back. They cut off her funding. They threatened to disown her. They prohibited contact with her siblings. She feared for her well-being and for her relationships. She felt truly stuck.

Angie’s instinct was to return to old patterns. She could give in by visiting on weekends and skipping church on Sunday. She could stop talking about faith in Christ. She could obey her parents’ every whim about who her friends could be, how to spend her money, and whether to be sexually active.

As she sought the Lord for counsel, however, she came to him with a listening ear and a teachable heart. She realized that things with her parents might get worse before they could get better, but that she had to honor the Lord and seek wisdom at all costs. She feared the Lord, and found hope that things could change.

The situation did in fact get worse. Angie’s parents did disown her. She had to move herself and her belongings to an undisclosed location and communicate with her parents through hand-written letters sent from her church’s address. Her church elders involved the police at appropriate times.

After a few years, however, walls started to come down. The heat calmed and healthy communication resumed. Her siblings grew to adulthood and found hope that they, too, could turn aside from bad patterns in the family. Some of them came to faith in Christ as a result. Her parents began attending church and hearing the gospel. One of them came to faith, and the other one is now actively considering Christ’s claims. Jesus broke in and brought life to this family, because this one young lady was willing to hold fast to him.

You, too, can get unstuck from whatever difficulties you face. Are you willing to choose the road to life?

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

[1] I’ve changed names and a few details to protect anonymity.

The Staying Power of Wisdom

December 10, 2025 By Peter Krol

I’m so grateful for William Osborne’s recent piece “Wisdom Rarely Makes You Famous.” In it, he explains the end of Ecclesiastes 9 and beginning of Ecclesiastes 10 to show why wisdom is far superior a thing to pursue than the acceptance of any inner circle in society.

The temptation to stray from God’s word continues through every generation. Wisdom is not crowd-sourcing. Wisdom is not trying to guess what the next big thing will be before everyone else. Wisdom begins with the fear of the Lord and building our lives upon his words. Wisdom believes that God’s instructions are good and life-giving, even though wisdom rarely gets a trophy.

Check it out!

Wisdom and Hope

December 5, 2025 By Peter Krol

I’m Stuck

I’ve been stuck for some time. There’s a certain person I’ve known most of my life who is very difficult to get along with. Our personalities clash, and our tastes diverge on just about everything. He doesn’t know Christ yet; thus, he doesn’t understand most of the life choices I’ve made. I’ve often felt personally attacked by his comments and attitudes.

I want this person to meet Christ and find life, but when we converse I end up feeling like I’m about 8 years old again and helpless to change things. After I got married, my wife helped me to see that all hope was not lost; God had provided many opportunities to build a healthier relationship. My self-protective fear had prevented me from seeing these opportunities, and the fear of the Lord would give me the wisdom to make changes. Only after I stopped worrying about protecting myself and started seeking to represent Christ, did I have hope that the relationship could get better. I have a long way to go, but I want to do whatever it takes to travel this path one step at a time.

Proverbs 4 explains the vital connection between wisdom and hope. If we don’t fear the Lord, we won’t be open to change. If we’re not open to change, we won’t change. If we don’t change, we’ll fail as agents of redemption to those around us. We won’t inspire them with hope that they can change. Then—guess what?—nothing ever changes.

Are You Stuck?

Are you stuck? Stuck in a bad habit, a bad relationship, or a bad situation? Has your life failed to meet your expectations? Are you always too busy? Do the years keep flying by, yet without moving beyond the “same old, same old”?

For example, have you committed sexual immorality in the past? Will you ever be able to forget the memories or mental images? Can the damage done to yourself and others ever be undone? The fear of the Lord can give hope.

Are you married to an angry, hurtful person? Is your relationship caught in the endless cycle of attack-remorse-apology without any lasting change? How could you ever forgive? Can you get more help? The fear of the Lord can give hope.

Were your parents critical of your every move? Did they care at all? As you grew up, did they miss all your major milestones? Did they abuse you verbally, physically, emotionally, or sexually? How could you possibly trust another person again? The fear of the Lord can give hope.

Have your grown children rejected the Lord? Have you tried to win them back by every available means? Might you have been part of the problem, pushing them away with ungracious legalism, unrealistic expectations, harsh judgments, or emotional neediness? Can they ever return to the Lord or to a healthy relationship with you? The fear of the Lord can give hope.

There’s Hope

I’m not saying that the answers to these questions are easy. I’m not saying that wisdom will eliminate your pain and disappointment. But what I am saying is that there’s hope. One of our own poets, speaking of that hope which rises from fearing the Lord, said:

Hope springs eternal in the human breast:
Man never Is but always To be blest.[1]

There’s always hope. Real hope that it can change. Do nothing, and it will certainly get worse. But fear the Lord, and it just might get better.

Proverbs 4:1-27 has three distinct units, each beginning with an address to one or more “sons.” The theme of “life” links the sections together. Solomon’s advice goes like this: First, do whatever it takes to get wisdom, and you’ll find life (Prov 4:1-9). Second, contrast the two roads before you to see which one leads to the life (Prov 4:10-19). Third, let the life become a part of who you are, and it will change everything you do (Prov 4:20-27). In other words, because God makes his life available in Jesus Christ, those who turn to him have hope that anything can change.[2]

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

[1] Alexander Pope, Essay on Man

[2] I’m indebted to Waltke, Proverbs 1-15, pp.274-301 for the structure and main points of Proverbs 4. (Disclosure: This is an affiliate link, so if you click it and buy stuff from Amazon, your purchase will help to support our site at no extra cost to yourself.)

Satisfaction is God’s Design

September 12, 2025 By Peter Krol

Satisfaction is the fruit of both finding and keeping wisdom. Why?

The Lord by wisdom founded the earth;
By understanding he established the heavens;
By his knowledge the deeps broke open,
And the clouds drop down the dew (Prov 3:19-20).

These two verses form the hinge on which the main point of Prov 3:13-26 swings: God designed the universe by means of wisdom. Wisdom is not an end in itself; it ought to lead us to the Lord and Giver of wisdom. Thus, finding satisfaction in wisdom really means finding satisfaction in the Lord. There are at least three biblical reasons why this point is significant.

1. In creating the world, God demonstrated wisdom.

"The Old World" by Mark H. Evans (2010), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License — Mark H. Evans (2010), Creative Commons

When God created the world, he set an example for us to follow. He exhibited wisdom then, and he expects us to imitate him now. In particular, Genesis 1 describes how God made a world that was initially dark, shapeless, and empty: “The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep” (Gen 1:2). He proceeded to give it light (Gen 1:3, 14), shape (Gen 1:4-10, 17-18), and stuff (Gen 1:11-12, 20-25). After doing so, he made people “in his own image,” expecting them to imitate his model (Gen 1:26-28). It pleases God when we bring the light of truth to the darkness, the shape of organization to the wildness, and the fullness of more worshipers to all the corners of the earth. We can do this personally (as we grow in Christ), corporately (as we join and serve a church), or socially (as we engage the culture or help those in need). Such is wisdom: Follow God’s example.

What does God’s example have to do with satisfaction? We’ve already seen the blessings of finding and keeping wisdom. It will go well for us when we do things God’s way. God demonstrates how life works best. When we imitate him, we reap the satisfying fruit of it. Or, to approach it conversely: If you want to know the right thing to do, you’ll have to go to the Lord to find out what it is. Wisdom pushes us toward the Lord to learn his ways.

For example, many single people seek satisfaction in romance. Since Jesus’ relationship with the Church sets the pattern for all human romance (Eph 5:22-33), finding wisdom in this realm begins with imitating Jesus’ example. That means men must learn to serve others more than themselves (Eph 5:25). They should become mature enough to teach the Bible (Eph 5:26), and influential enough to help others flourish (Eph 5:27). Women will benefit from holding out for such men, so they can have husbands worth following on their journey toward the Lord. I advise singles to habitually imitate Jesus’ character before dating another person. Failing to do so will result in unsatisfying romance, which is worse than having no romance at all.

2. In enthroning mankind, God provided wisdom.

"Plug" by Rob Pongsajapan (2005), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License — Rob Pongsajapan (2005), Creative Commons

At the end of God’s creating work, he gave humanity the authority to rule the world as his representatives: “Fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over…every living thing” (Gen 1:28). They were to care for and protect God’s possessions with love and respect: “The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it” (Gen 2:15). When God entrusted people with this task, he did not leave them ill-equipped. He gave them everything they needed: clear instructions (Gen 1:28, 2:16-17), nutrition (Gen 1:29-30), hydration (Gen 2:10-14), aesthetics (Gen 2:9: “every tree that is pleasant to the sight”), and life (Gen 2:7). He even spelled out the consequences of failure so they’d know what to expect: “in the day that you eat of [the tree of the knowledge of good and evil] you shall surely die” (Gen 2:17). In short, he gave them both the knowledge of what to do, and the resources to carry it out. He built wisdom right into the world so they could download it into their hearts. Such is wisdom: Receive God’s help.

What does God’s empowerment have to do with satisfaction? God’s gift to the wise is not only the strength to make wise choices, but also the satisfaction found in doing so. (See Ecc 5:18-20.) If you need strength to do what God wants you to do, you’ll have to seek God to get it. He is the giver of instruction and ability. Wisdom pushes us toward the Lord to receive his power for living.

Let’s say you have a history of unwise dating relationships. You can’t resist a nice body or an attentive ear. You get the attention you desire, but you desire more of it all the time. Because you haven’t learned self-control and self-sacrifice, you can’t keep your lips or hands off your partner. You feel guilty every time you cross the line, but you can see your resolve weakening. You know what Jesus wants you to do. You know what he would do in your place. It’s just so hard to do it yourself. What hope is there that you can find and keep wisdom, and be satisfied in doing so?

Know that if you trust in Jesus, his Spirit is within you. He is at work in you to carry out his will. He can make you more faithful and selfless than you thought possible. His example might encourage you, but his indwelling power provides you with the strength to change. Stop making excuses. Ask him for help, and believe that he can give it.

3. In redeeming all things, God became wisdom.

God’s example and God’s empowerment are wonderful things, but they are not enough to satisfy us with wisdom. If God merely demonstrated and disbursed wisdom, it would be bad news for sinful people; God’s example would crush us, and his empowerment would condemn us. So he didn’t leave it there.

So in addition, he became wisdom for us. The eternal God entered the world as a man, Jesus Christ, and he did for us what we could not do for ourselves: find and keep wisdom. He showed us wisdom, he gave us wisdom, and best of all, he became our wisdom (1 Cor 1:30).

Jesus lived without a trace of foolishness and should have been rewarded with long life, riches, honor, pleasantness, and peace. However, consider what he got:

"At the cross I bow my knee" by Demi-Brooke (2009), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License — Demi-Brooke (2009), Creative Commons

Instead of gaining long life, he died a premature death in our place.
Instead of keeping riches (a close relationship with God), he was abandoned on the cross by his heavenly Father.
Instead of receiving honor, he experienced great shame in the physical nakedness of his crucifixion and the spiritual darkness of his substitution when he became sin for us.
Instead of finding pleasantness (a straight path to God), he was cut off from fellowship with the one he loved most.
Instead of enjoying peace, he was attacked by God and men.

Yet in dying our death, he brought us life: “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Cor 5:21). After God accepted Jesus’ sacrificial death on our behalf, he raised Jesus up:

He came back from the dead, acquiring an indestructible life.
His relationship with God (true riches) was restored, and he took his seat at God’s right hand.
His shame gave way to unprecedented honor, for every knee will bow at his name.
The pleasantness (unhindered straightness) of his way to God was restored. And this restoration is not just for him, but also for all who love him.
As was foretold at his birth, he brought glory to God in heaven and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased.

In short, Jesus lived wisely, and we could not; so he took our place. Upon doing so, he suffered the consequences of our foolishness, so that we who are fools could reap the satisfying rewards of his wisdom. Such is wisdom: Accept God’s rescue.

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

Wisdom in Disappointment

June 13, 2025 By Peter Krol

My dear mother gave birth to me to me only a few weeks after Christmas in the middle of the Carter administration. And I’m the type of person who really, really enjoys getting gifts. These two ingredients mixed themselves into a toxic brew of the most disappointing kind, because, for most of my childhood, friends and relatives would give me only one (1) present – to cover two holidays – sometime during the first week of January. They’d accompany the present with a pacifying sentiment like “I hope you enjoy this Christmas/birthday gift!” But Christmas had already come and gone without any word from such interested parties. The day of my birth likewise came and went without fanfare. From the beginning, my life was designed to disappoint.

"Gift" by asenat29 (2006), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License — “Gift” by asenat29 (2006), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License

Disappointment saturates our fallen existence. Some disappointments are relatively minor, like having your birthday forgotten or discovering concert tickets are sold out. Other disappointments, like receiving a notification of divorce, suffering a debilitating accident, or losing a child, might plague us for decades. Whatever the situation, God the Father is always present, using our disappointment to draw us closer to him. The way of wisdom leads through disappointment and on toward the Lord.

How Disappointment Works

Before we dig into the text of Proverbs 3:1-12, we must understand how disappointment works.

We feel disappointed when our expectations are not met. Sometimes we lose what we expected to keep. Sometimes we miss what we expected to gain. At other times we experience something we expected to avoid. Expectations infiltrate our motivations, and they come with a price tag: our happiness. They dash our hopes. They convert healthy relationships into needy ones, and they make people bitter and irritable.

Maybe you expected to enjoy your job more than you do. Maybe you expected your parents to respect you as an adult. Maybe you thought church would be more exciting, or that marriage would solve your lust problem. Maybe you expected to be financially stable by now. Maybe you just hoped to get noticed every once in a while.

In short, you wanted something, but didn’t get it (or you liked something but lost it). You feel disappointed.

Two Ways to Handle Disappointment

When unmet expectations produce disappointment, we need a way to cope. Most people take their disappointment in one of two unhelpful directions: either in & down or out & around.

"Spiral Staircase" by Roberto Verzo (2010), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution license — “Spiral Staircase” by Roberto Verzo (2010), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution license

1) Those who take disappointment in & down tend to see themselves as the source of the problem. Perhaps, they reason, their expectations were too high. They mentally relive the situation and assume it won’t get any better. They might lower their expectations to avoid further disappointment, even to the point of losing hope. These people might believe God is disappointed with them for failing him. They feed the downward & inward spiral until they bottom out in full-fledged depression. They read passages like Proverbs 3:1-12, but refuse to get their hopes up. So they always go back to Job and focus there, because that’s how life really is.

For example, if your friends forget your birthday, and if you take your disappointment inward, you might begin to assume that nobody will ever remember your birthday. You don’t want to be a burden to people, so you say nothing about it. You lower your expectations to the point where you’re surprised and uncomfortable if your birthday comes up in conversation. You begin thinking of God as a distant authority figure. He’ll let you into heaven because he has to, but he’s pretty discouraged by what he ended up with when you became a Christian. As God and men continue to disregard you, you get even more discouraged, justifying your hopelessness. You’re trapped in a heartbreaking cycle.

2) Those who take disappointment out & around tend to blame others for causing the problem. They pity themselves and expect others to join the party. They might attack those whom they perceive to be the offenders, by complaining, scolding, or sucking the life out of them until they change. They’re difficult to work with because they always have a critical remark or a better idea. These people might believe God is against them and has failed them. They feed their disapproval until they gain a reputation for anger and aggression.

For example, in season one of Downton Abbey, Downton Village prepares for its annual flower show. The Grantham Cup is supposed to go to the “finest blooms” at the show, but the Dowager Countess of Grantham (played expertly by Dame Maggie Smith) has won the cup as long as can be remembered. The Countess’s flowers are clearly inferior to those of the aging commoner Mr. Molesley, but she has used her title and prestige to pressure the judges for so long that she’s certain to win again. She’s become so skilled at enforcing her expectation of victory that she doesn’t even realize when she’s doing it. Only when she chooses to deny herself and award the trophy to Mr. Molesley, does she handle her own expectations in a non-abusive manner.

We get trapped in these two spirals (in & down, out & around) all the time, and there’s no end in sight. But, God enters our disappointment to break the cycles. He helps us to look up & over our disappointment that we might see him, our loving father.

Jesus Enters Our Disappointment

We feel disappointed when our expectations are not met, and then we tend to blame either others or ourselves. But God came to earth to rescue us from slavery to disappointment.

"Cemetery Cross" by Joel Kramer (2011), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution license — “Cemetery Cross” by Joel Kramer (2011), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution license

He sent his Son, Jesus, to live among us and experience our disappointment. The night Jesus was betrayed, he expressed his great disappointment to his closest companions: “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death…My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me…[Friends,] could you not watch with me one hour?” (Matt 26:38-40). On the cross, his disappointment climaxed: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matt 27:46).

But Jesus’ disappointment didn’t turn him away from his Father. He didn’t blame himself for expecting too much from a dark, dark world. He didn’t bend the situation to his own will, coming down from the cross or calling platoons of angels to fight for him. No, rather than running away from God, Jesus let his disappointment bring him closer to God. His dying words were: “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit” (Luke 23:46).

As Hebrews puts it, Jesus was a son who “learned obedience through what he suffered. And being made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey him” (Heb 5:8-9). In other words, because Jesus drew close to God through his suffering and disappointment, he opened the way for you and me to do the same. He died to bring us salvation, and he lives to bring us close to the Father, despite our disappointment. But how?

Next week, we dive into Proverbs 3:1-12 which will help us along the way.

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.