Friendship | Knowable Word

Find Friends Who Know the Bible

April 12, 2023 By Peter Krol

Your friends foreshadow your fate. Show me your friends, and I’ll show your odds at ever finding wisdom.

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
Proverbs 13:20

Part of the reason for this is that wise friends will tell you what you need to hear, while foolish friends will tell you only what you want to hear.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
Proverbs 27:6

Daniel Seabaugh understands these truths as he reflects on the gift of friends who know the Bible. He describes the delight and support to be found when you surround yourself with people who know and have courage to speak the Scripture into your life. Speaking such friends, Seabaugh writes:

When I watch them lead at work, home, and church, I’m encouraged to take Christ-like responsibility for my own life. Whether they realize it or not (and I think they get it), their lives display God’s power. When we acknowledge our weakness and invite Christ into those spaces, God shows up in mighty ways. I’ve seen it over and over in the lives of my friends.

Check it out!

How to Encourage Your Friends to Study the Bible

June 13, 2016 By Ryan Higginbottom

How many people in your church regularly study the Bible on their own? Beyond devotional or five-minutes-a-day readings, how many dig deep into God’s word?

Regular attenders of a good church hear lots of Bible teaching through the sermon and Sunday school classes. They might see Bible study up close in a small group. But far too many Christians opt for easier practices in their own devotions.

Personal relationships are a powerful part of a church community. Underneath programs and structures, most of a church’s ideals and habits are communicated through friendships. This includes personal Bible study.

Cheryl Holt (2014), public domain

What Comes First

Two things must be in place before you can encourage someone at your church to study the Bible.

First, you need a real friendship. The closer your relationship, the more powerful your voice in their life. Good friends trust that your suggestions have their best interests in mind.

You also need shared values. Your encouragement to study the Bible will only be effective if your friend shares this goal. (Here’s an article explaining why we study the Bible.)

On one level, both of these requirements take care and effort on your part. But true Christian friendship and a love for God’s word also require spiritual intervention. Our first order of business, therefore, is prayer.

Study the Bible Together

If your friend is a new Christian or is unfamiliar with the Bible, they’ll need guidance as they begin. Give them resources that explain an easy-to-follow Bible study process. At this blog we advocate the Observation-Interpretation-Application (OIA) method, and the best place to start reading is here. (Peter’s book would also make a great gift for a beginner.)

Once your friend knows the main components of Bible study, help him dive in. If you attend or lead a small group, take him along. If that would be uncomfortable, offer to study the Bible one-on-one. Suggest some preparatory work, and talk through the passage together when you meet. (Our OIA worksheets might be helpful at the start.)

Your goal with a new Bible student is to strap on the training wheels and help him pedal down the driveway. Give him an example and some practice. Help him understand the main point of a passage. Show him how to see Jesus in any passage and remember him in application.

Talk About It

While some of us have new Christians to train, all of us can think of more veteran Christians who could use Bible study stimulation. (We can all use help in this area!) These folks know how to study the Bible but no longer do so regularly.

Some friends might benefit from a weekly get-together to study through a short book or passage. But, since you’re aiming to strengthen individual Bible study, most encouragement you’ll give will take place in informal conversations, not scheduled meetings.

As a matter of habit, talk about Bible study with your friend. This might seem unusual at first, but it doesn’t have to be awkward. Simply ask what they’re studying and learning, and be willing to share yourself. Thank God for what he teaches you, and speak honestly when you’ve neglected the Bible.

If your friend admits a distance from the Bible and your prayers and questions don’t help, you’ll need to take a more direct approach. In love, emphasize the importance of God’s word. Ask direct questions about his habits and patterns of behavior, but don’t stop with his actions—point toward his heart.

Despite the protests, we won’t change into diligent students of the Scriptures if we just get up earlier, turn off the TV, or try harder. Our behavior follows our hearts (Matt 15:18-20), so if we genuinely want to worship and interact with God, nothing will stand in our way. Your friend needs to recognize and repent of the desires that overshadow and quench his love for God. Help your friend identify and kill these idols.

Don’t forget the gospel in these conversations! Over and over, remind yourself and your friend that your success or failure with regular Bible study does not determine God’s love for you. For Christians, God’s love is secure, full, and free because of Jesus.

We All Need Others

We all need reminders and support to study the Bible. Even regenerate hearts follow the gaze and desires of the old man at times. We need others to tell us the truth, pray for us, and point us in the right direction.

Take a minute to think about your friends, and pray for them. Pray for strong relationships, ample opportunities, and rich conversations. Pray that God would use you to point them to his word.

How to Apply the Bible in Community

March 23, 2015 By Ryan Higginbottom

Perhaps you nodded at the suggestion that Christians should apply the Bible in community. Agreement might fire the engines, but it doesn’t get you off the runway. How can our friendships grow so that Bible application is natural? How can we get this plane in the air?

Cliff Muller (2009), Creative Commons License

When talking about community, many Christians focus on accountability. But Christian friendship doesn’t start (or stop) there. Let me offer four resolutions toward developing helpful, God-glorifying relationships.

Resolve to Spend Time with People

To apply the Bible in community, you must be in community. This goes beyond becoming a member of a good church. You need to know other Christians and you need to be known by others. When Paul writes about the church using the metaphor of a human body (1 Cor 12:12–27), he emphasizes how the parts of the body need each another (1 Cor 12:21–22).

This need is more than a physical or social dependence. We are to bear each other’s burdens (Gal 6:2), forgive one another (Col 3:13), confess our sins to one another (James 5:16), love one another (Rom 12:10), and speak truth to one another (Eph 4:25).

These commands point us well beyond handshakes and saccharine smiles on Sunday mornings. We need to pursue deep, honest friendships with other Christians. Relationships with other sinners—though messy—are worth pursuing because God commands them and they are designed for our benefit.

Resolve to Ask Questions

My treasured friends, the ones who have had the greatest spiritual impact on me, are the ones who excel at asking questions. When they see me caught in a sinful pattern or spiraling downward in my thoughts, they adopt a holy refusal to leave me alone. They ask me questions to help me think through my behaviors, thoughts, and relationships in the light of the gospel. Such questions are uncomfortable, but they help uncover my sin and point me toward Jesus. Don’t you want to be this type of friend? I sure do!

The good news is that we can all become friends like this. Start with a tiny question: why? Why was that disappointing? Why did you enjoy that? Why did you respond to her that way? It seems like you’ve been withdrawing recently; why is that?

Answering why questions can reveal your true hopes, fears, joy, and motivation. Even if you are not a verbal processor, you may get powerful clarity by speaking some thought you’ve been storing in your head. Friends can expose wrong thinking, a bent character, and errant behavior by asking these simple questions.

Why questions are not the only questions to ask, of course. As your relationship grows and you see the your friends’ struggles and tendencies, you’ll learn additional questions. You will notice the parts of their lives they don’t like to discuss. You will see how they respond to disappointment and criticism. Soaked in the gospel, your questions may be just the signpost toward hope that your friends need.

Resolve to Talk About God

I’ve seen too many Christians leave faith as an assumed-but-not-discussed topic between them. We can do better.

As you grow closer to other believers, you should care deeply about their walk with God. Their Christian discipleship is one of the most important qualities about them. So ask!

Here are some helpful questions to ask your friends: What has God been teaching you lately? How have you seen God work in your life over the past month? What are you reading in the Bible? What are you learning? What fruit of the Spirit have you seen God growing in you? How are you different from the person you were a year ago? These questions are like salt in your relationships. Don’t empty the whole shaker at once! But if you sprinkle them into your conversations, your friendships will have a richer flavor.

Though conversations like these might not feel natural at first, press through the awkwardness. You might even take the opportunity to discuss what sort of friends you want to be.

Putting it Together

So talk about the Bible with your friends. Tell them what God has been teaching you and how you’ve been trying to apply it. Ask them the same.

And talk with your friends about your sin and areas of frequent discouragement. Tell them the ways you are struggling to trust God. Ask them the same.

Soon you will find that these discussions overlap. You’ll talk with someone about a passage of the Bible, and later in the month that same person will notice an area of your life that is begging for application of the same text. Applying the Bible in community isn’t one extra step to put at the end of your small group Bible study. It will happen naturally as you develop close, Christian friendships.

Resolve to Pray

Since our sin nature is opposed to these ideas of exposure, humility, and vulnerability, we need to pray! We must ask for God’s provision of good friends and for his help to be a good friend. By his Spirit, he needs to change us into people who embrace the faithful wounds of those who love us (Prov 27:6).