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Why We Harm Others (Prov. 3:31)

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In seeking wise humility, we must not pridefully withhold good or plan evil against others.  To help us, the center of Proverbs 3:27-35 illuminates our motivations.

Do not envy a man of violence
And do not choose any of his ways (Prov. 3:31, ESV)

If God opposes the proud so severely, why would anyone ever choose such a path?  Because, Solomon reasons, we are tempted to envy violent people.

Derrick Davis (2008), Creative Commons

Derrick Davis (2008), Creative Commons

Remember our discussion about violent people from Proverbs 1:10-19?  The attraction to violence is that it will gain us more stuff.  And more stuff means improved security and increased community, or so we think.

We love ourselves enough to believe anything just to get a little satisfaction.  We’ll even believe that “love your neighbor as yourself” means that we first have to love ourselves.  Nowhere, however, does the Bible command us to love ourselves; it assumes that we already do.  Whenever we put ourselves at the center of the universe, we are choosing to act like violent men.  The antidote to such a poisonous choice is to fear the Lord, who really is at the center of the universe.  “Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day” (Prov. 23:17).

If you’re anything like me, you may have a hard time with this teaching.  I want to love people; I really do.  I’ll do whatever God wants me to do for most of the people in the world.  There are just a select few whom I can’t love.  In particular, there are those who have hurt me deeply, and those who don’t deserve my trust because of some failure on their part.

Next week, we’ll see how the New Testament applies Proverbs 3 to these situations.

God Opposes the Proud

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Wisdom is humble.  Humility means putting others first.  But why does it matter?

For the devious person is an abomination to the Lord,
But the upright are in his confidence.
The Lord’s curse is on the house of the wicked,
But he blesses the dwelling of the righteous.
Toward the scorners he is scornful,
But to the humble he gives favor.
The wise will inherit honor,
But fools get disgrace (Prov. 3:32-35, ESV).

R. Nial Bradshaw (2013), Creative Commons

R. Nial Bradshaw (2013), Creative Commons

This section has four statements about God’s perspective on those who obey or disobey the commands of Prov. 3:27-30.  The first three show first God’s displeasure toward the disobedient, followed by his favor toward the obedient.  The fourth statement reverses the order, signaling the end of the section.

The language here is not moderate.  “Abomination” (Prov. 3:32) may be the strongest possible term to express hatred.  The devious person, who builds himself up by tearing others down, is an object of God’s extreme hatred (Prov. 3:32).  The wicked, who ignores God’s instruction and goes his own way, is thwarted by God at every turn (Prov. 3:33).  Scorners, who always believe they know better than everyone else, receive the Lord’s scorn (Prov. 3:34).  Fools, who love simplicity and refuse to learn wisdom, become disgraceful examples of what not to do (Prov. 3:35).

What’s abominable to God is often distasteful to others as well.  I’m sure you’ve seen (or been) the person who’s so focused on himself that he brings his own disgrace.  Comedian Brian Regan, with surprising insight, cautions us to “Beware the Me Monster.”

I made the mistake of trying to tell a story about having only two wisdom teeth pulled, and I learned a lesson: Don’t ever try to tell a two-wisdom-teeth story because you ain’t goin’ nowhere.  The four-wisdom-teeth people are going to parachute in and cut you off at the pass.  ‘Halt!  Halt with your two-wisdom-tooth tale!’  You will never complete one; trust me.[1]

The “Me Monster” is the person who always focuses on himself.  Even the world recognizes how ugly this behavior is.

In contrast, the upright person, who imitates God’s pattern of selfless love, is brought into God’s intimate circle (Prov. 3:32).  The righteous one, who trusts in God’s provision and not his own performance, receives God’s backing for every endeavor (Prov. 3:33).  The humble person, who considers others more important than himself, is given favor from the Lord (Prov. 3:34).  The wise person, who never stops learning and loving, gets praise from the King of Heaven (Prov. 3:35).

God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.  These two roads lead in opposite directions, and there’s not much room between them.  Where do you fall?

[1] From Regan’s video I Walked On the Moon.

Do Not Plan Evil

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In teaching about wisdom and humility, Solomon’s first warning was against keeping what we have; this one is against taking what we want.

Do not plan evil against your neighbor,
Who dwells trustingly beside you.
Do not contend with a man for no reason,
When he has done you no harm (Prov 3:29-30, ESV).

Wise people put others first, protecting their well-being.  They don’t steal possessions by borrowing and not returning.  They don’t steal time by not listening well.  They don’t pick fights.  They don’t argue about meaningless things.  When a disagreement is significant, they work to persuade and woo, rather than coerce or manipulate.

Jozef N (2009), Creative Commons

Jozef N (2009), Creative Commons

“Do not contend” (Prov. 3:30) has a legal ring to it, referring to foolish lawsuits, but it implies much more than court proceedings.  We ought to avoid damaging someone’s reputation needlessly.  We ought to be as concerned for others’ reputations as we are for our own.  Wise people don’t spread the dirt on others (Prov. 20:19), refusing even to listen to it (Prov. 26:20-22).  Whenever they hear someone’s “concerns” about another person or group, they make sure to get the whole story before coming to any conclusions (Prov. 18:13, 17).

I must confess that I am guilty.  I have jumped to conclusions about others.  I have listened to bad reports, and I’ve spread them foolishly.  I haven’t always done my research, making sure to hear all sides of a matter.  I can think of times when my information was true, but still should not have been passed on (Prov. 25:7b-10).  I once prided myself on my ability to discern what needed to change for any person in any situation, and all along I was the one who most needed to change.

When we put ourselves at the center, we commit all kinds of evil against others, and we train ourselves to make it look good and religious.  We stop listening to the Word of Wisdom, and we listen instead to the world around us.  For example, I once sat innocently in a fast food restaurant, and my cup started preaching at me.  No joke.  It said:

This cup makes a statement about you.  It says, ‘Hey, look at me.  I’m an ambitious yet responsible person.’  You could have gone larger, but you didn’t.  You could have gone smaller, but again, you deferred.  No, you know exactly what you want in life, nothing more, nothing less.  It’s good when you have things your way.[1]

We fall for garbage like this all the time, but the Lord calls us out of a pat-yourself-on-the-back, you-know-what’s-best-for-you mindset.  When we fear him, being open to change, our focus steadily moves off ourselves and onto others.  Our pride melts, and loving others becomes our delight.  Before we know it, our relationship with the Lord hits fifth gear.

[1] Printed on the cup of a Burger King® medium-sized soft drink.

Do not Withhold Good, Part 2: Application

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There are many ways we can apply last week’s teaching on humility, but two especially come to mind for our generation.  We must not withhold truth in confrontation, and we must not withhold life in evangelism.

Confrontation

Sean Gannan (2008), Creative Commons

Sean Gannan (2008), Creative Commons

Let’s admit it: we simply don’t know how to do it well.  The Bible says, “You shall reason frankly with your neighbor” (Lev. 19:17), and I say, “but I don’t want to hurt his feelings.”  The Bible says, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt” (Col. 4:6), and I say, “but I’d better let him have it.”  In other words, we usually make the Sucker’s Choice[1] between being truthful or being respectful, but the Bible commands us always to do both.  If we disagreed with each other more honestly and more respectfully, we’d make better decisions, resolve more conflicts, and build deeper relationships.  As William Blake wrote in “A Poison Tree,”

I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

Evangelism

I’ll admit it: I generally don’t want to do it well.  It would mean I’d have less time for what I want to do.  I couldn’t hide behind my fears, nurturing them and helping them to flourish in my heart.  People might not like me.  It would be awkward and uncomfortable, and 5 minutes of comfort matter more to me than someone’s possible eternity in hell.  Can you relate?

Now I’m not trying to make you feel guilty.  No, my point is that you and I are guilty.  Jesus knew it, and he died for us anyway.  So we’re free to confess frankly, repent, and keep moving forward.

[1] Phrase borrowed from Patterson, et al, Crucial Conversations (New York: McGraw Hill, 2002).

Do Not Withhold Good Part 1: Principle

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Humility means putting other people first.  This discipline excludes a number of proud and self-protective behaviors.

Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
When it is in your power to do it.
Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come again,
Tomorrow I will give it”—when you have it with you (Prov 3:27-28, ESV).

Adam Fagen (2010), Creative Commons

Adam Fagen (2010), Creative Commons

“Do not withhold good.”  Easy, right?  It means you get out of the way when other drivers want to merge into your lane.  At least if they’re not too aggressive about it.  But who are those “to whom it is due”?  Believe it or not, this question requires wisdom, as we can easily fall into several self-justifying errors.

The first error is to define “those to whom it is due” so broadly that you invest all your time and resources in the wrong people.  There will always be poor and needy among us who require assistance.  Christ’s followers should be known as those who give and serve as generously as their Lord did.  But there are certain kinds of people who won’t be helped by our charity.  We ought to exercise discernment in such cases.

To give a few examples: Proverbs warns against angry people whom we ought not rescue (Prov. 19:19), gossiping people whom we ought not associate with (Prov. 20:19), and foolish people whom we ought not even try to convince (Prov. 23:9).  Don’t err by expending the Lord’s resources on the wrong people in the hope of being the kind of savior that only Jesus can be for them.  Solomon will return to this point in Proverbs 6:1-5, so I’ll expand on it there.

The second error, however, is to define “those to whom it is due” so narrowly that no mortal person could ever qualify.  In this case, we’re willing to help those who have real need; we just haven’t ever met any of them.  We’ll give money, as long as the person has a job, a history of successful financial management, and a foolproof system of accountability in place.  We act as though there is no room for mistakes with God’s resources.

Take note, however, that Solomon uses the word “neighbor” in Prov. 3:28, and the Bible suggests that “neighbor” is a pretty broad category.  (See Luke 10:25-37.)  We can’t justify our failure by obscuring what God has made clear.

Both errors result directly from pride.  The first one says “I can be Jesus for this person.”  The second one says, “Not even Jesus could help that person.”  In both, I put myself at the center, and I have not cultivated the fear of the Lord.

Wisdom and Humility

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James J Jenkins (2009), Creative Commons

James J Jenkins (2009), Creative Commons

Wisdom takes flight in relationships.  It begins with the fear of the Lord (Prov. 1:7), gains momentum through seeking and finding (Prov. 2:1-8), and accelerates when we resist easy money and easy sex (Prov. 2:12-19).  In order to gain altitude, however, wisdom must be lived out humbly in relationships with real people.  Let me give an example.

I recently received some sharp criticism of my leadership in a particular area.  The critic was a friend who wanted to help, but he overstated his position with unexpected severity.  I was hurt and offended.  I wanted to protect myself.  I had lost my security – someone’s good will – and had to muster my self-respect.  To prevent a total loss, I prepared a masterful retaliatory strike.

Without realizing it, I had come to a crossroads with two paths before me: Would I choose the way of wisdom or the decline to folly?  In other words, did I believe all this stuff I was writing about wisdom, the fear of the Lord, and openness to change?  Would I live the truth out in my words and thoughts?  Would I despise instruction or humbly receive correction?

We all face the same choice every day.  Whenever other people are involved, our decisions demonstrate either humble wisdom or self-reliant folly.  Will we fear the Lord, breeding true humility, thinking of others more than ourselves?  Or will we turn inward and love ourselves most of all?

C.S. Lewis wrote that humility doesn’t mean thinking less of yourself; it means thinking of yourself less.  In other words, both “I’m awesome” and “I’m a terrible person” are proud statements.  The humble person chooses simply not to focus on himself, positively or negatively.  The humble person puts others first, loving them at least as much as he loves himself.  Such a person models Jesus’ life-giving death.

In this section of Proverbs, Solomon prohibits a number of proud and self-protective behaviors (Prov. 3:27-30) and catalogues God’s opinions of people who engage in them (Prov. 3:32-35).   Like the previous section, this passage has a center (Prov. 3:31), which this time exposes the heart of our selfish behavior.

Find Your Satisfaction in Jesus

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court-gavel_0God’s example shows us the way of satisfaction.  His empowerment fuels our search for satisfaction.  But most importantly, his Son motivates our satisfaction and makes it possible, because he shows us that the Lord’s satisfaction is more important than our own.

Jesus satisfied God’s justice so we could be satisfied by his mercy.  Jesus filled himself with our sin so we could be filled with his righteousness.  Jesus is ready; we have only to ask for more of him, and we’ll be the most satisfied people on the planet: “Until now you have asked nothing in my name.  Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full” (John 16:24).  Wisdom pushes us toward the Lord to rub shoulders with his Son, who is our life.

If you are the unhappy romantic, you might look to Jesus’ example to show you how to love.  You might even ask for his Spirit to help you love rightly.  In the end, however, your only hope is to rest in the fact that Jesus already loves and respects you.  He suffered for your failure to obey him, and God treats you as his son or daughter – as though Jesus’ obedience were your own.

Drawing nearer to the Lord through the grace of Christ will melt your heart and conform it to his heart.  Then it won’t be so bad if you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend; all you’ll need is Christ.  If you do get hitched, you’ll do it for Jesus and not yourself, which is so much more satisfying.  It’s okay if another person lets you down, because Jesus never will.

I know someone who is totally satisfied with his life.  He has a high-powered professional career, a beautiful and delightful girlfriend, a lovely home in the heart of a large city, and a perfect home theater system.  He has plenty of golfing buddies.  His future looks good.  His goals are clear.  I love this man, and I pray that he’ll get to know Christ.  I’ve tried telling him the Good News, but how do you convince someone that he needs Jesus when he already has everything he wants?  What concerns me most is not that he wants too much, but that he doesn’t really want enough.  He settles for small corporeal pleasures, but doesn’t see that these things will end up letting him down.  Please pray for him, and for others you know like him, that his quest for satisfaction would culminate in the best place possible: with Jesus.

And let’s be the kind of people who turn to the Lord for our satisfaction and reflect his joy and glory in everything we do.

Satisfaction is God’s Design Part 3: Redemption

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To find satisfaction, we must follow God’s example and receive his provision.  But that’s not enough.  Here’s a third reason for looking to the Lord for satisfaction

3.  In redeeming all things, God became wisdom.

God’s example and God’s empowerment are wonderful things, but they are not enough to satisfy us with wisdom.  If God merely demonstrated and disbursed wisdom, it would be bad news for sinful people; God’s example would crush us, and his empowerment would condemn us.  So he didn’t leave it there.

Instead, he became wisdom for us.  The eternal God entered the world as a man, Jesus Christ, and he did for us what we could not do for ourselves: find and keep wisdom.  He showed us wisdom, he gave us wisdom, and best of all, he became our wisdom (1 Cor 1:30).

Jesus lived without a trace of foolishness and should have been rewarded with long life, riches, honor, pleasantness, and peace.  However, consider what he got:

"At the cross I bow my knee" by Demi-Brooke (2009), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License

Demi-Brooke (2009), Creative Commons

  1. Instead of gaining long life, he died a premature death in our place.
  2. Instead of keeping riches (a close relationship with God), he was abandoned on the cross by his heavenly father.
  3. Instead of receiving honor, he experienced great shame in the physical nakedness of his crucifixion and the spiritual darkness of his substitution when he became sin for us.
  4. Instead of finding pleasantness (a straight path to God), he was cut off from fellowship with the one he loved most.
  5. Instead of enjoying peace, he was attacked by God and men.

Yet in dying our death, he brought us life: “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Cor 5:21).  After God accepted Jesus’ sacrificial death on our behalf, he raised Jesus up:

  1. He came back from the dead, acquiring an indestructible life.
  2. His relationship with God (true riches) was restored, and he took his seat at God’s right hand.
  3. His shame gave way to unprecedented honor, for every knee will bow at his name.
  4. The pleasantness (unhindered straightness) of his way to God was restored.  And this restoration is not just for him, but also for all who love him.
  5. As was foretold at his birth, he brought glory to God in heaven and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased.

In short, Jesus lived wisely, and we could not; so he took our place.  Upon doing so, he suffered the consequences of our foolishness, so that we who are fools could reap the satisfying rewards of his wisdom.  Such is wisdom: Accept God’s rescue.

Satisfaction is God’s Design, Part 2: Provision

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To find satisfaction, we must follow God’s example.  But that’s not enough.  Here’s a second reason for looking to the Lord for satisfaction.

2.  In enthroning mankind, God provided wisdom.

"Plug" by Rob Pongsajapan (2005), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License

Rob Pongsajapan (2005), Creative Commons

At the end of God’s creating work, he gave humanity the authority to rule the world as his representatives: “Fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over…every living thing” (Gen 1:28).  They were to care for and protect God’s possessions with love and respect: “The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it” (Gen 2:15).  When God entrusted people with this task, he did not leave them ill-equipped.  He gave them everything they needed: clear instructions (Gen 1:28, 2:16-17), nutrition (Gen 1:29-30), hydration (Gen 2:10-14), aesthetics (Gen 2:9: “every tree that is pleasant to the sight”), and life (Gen 2:7).  He even spelled out the consequences of failure so they’d know what to expect: “in the day that you eat of [the tree of the knowledge of good and evil] you shall surely die” (Gen 2:17).  In short, he gave them both the knowledge of what to do, and the resources to carry it out.  He built wisdom right into the world so they could download it into their hearts.  Such is wisdom: Receive God’s help.

What does God’s empowerment have to do with satisfaction?  God’s gift to the wise is not only the strength to make wise choices, but also the satisfaction found in doing so.  (See Ecc 5:18-20.)  If you need strength to do what God wants you to do, you’ll have to seek God to get it.  He is the giver of instruction and ability.  Wisdom pushes us toward the Lord to receive his power for living.

Let’s say you have a history of unwise dating relationships.  You can’t resist a nice body or an attentive ear.  You get the attention you desire, but you desire more of it all the time.  Because you haven’t learned self-control and self-sacrifice, you can’t keep your lips or hands off your partner.  You feel guilty every time you cross the line, but you can see your resolve weakening.  You know what Jesus wants you to do.  You know what he would do in your place.  It’s just so hard to do it yourself.  What hope is there that you can find and keep wisdom, and be satisfied in doing so?

Know that if you trust in Jesus, his Spirit is within you.  He is at work in you to carry out his will.  He can make you more faithful and selfless than you thought possible.  His example might encourage you, but his indwelling power provides you with the strength to change.  Stop making excuses.  Ask him for help, and believe that he can give it.

Satisfaction is God’s Design, Part 1: Creation

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Satisfaction is the fruit of both finding and keeping wisdom.  Why?

The Lord by wisdom founded the earth;
By understanding he established the heavens;
By his knowledge the deeps broke open,
And the clouds drop down the dew (Prov 3:19-20).

These two verses form the hinge on which the main point of Prov 3:13-26 swings: God designed the universe by means of wisdom.  Wisdom is not an end in itself; it ought to lead us to the Lord and Giver of wisdom.  Thus, finding satisfaction in wisdom really means finding satisfaction in the Lord.  There are at least three biblical reasons why this point is significant.  This week I’ll explain the first.

1. In creating the world, God demonstrated wisdom.

"The Old World" by Mark H. Evans (2010), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License

Mark H. Evans (2010), Creative Commons

When God created the world, he set an example for us to follow.  He exhibited wisdom then, and he expects us to imitate him now.  In particular, Genesis 1 describes how God made a world that was initially dark, shapeless, and empty: “The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep” (Gen 1:2).  He proceeded to give it light (Gen 1:3, 14), shape (Gen 1:4-10, 17-18), and stuff (Gen 1:11-12, 20-25).  After doing so, he made people “in his own image,” expecting them to imitate his model (Gen 1:26-28).  It pleases God when we bring the light of truth to the darkness, the shape of organization to the wildness, and the fullness of more worshipers to all the corners of the earth.  We can do this personally (as we grow in Christ), corporately (as we join and serve a church), or socially (as we engage the culture or help those in need).  Such is wisdom: Follow God’s example.

What does God’s example have to do with satisfaction?  We’ve already seen the blessings of finding and keeping wisdom.  It will go well for us when we do things God’s way.  God demonstrates how life works best.  When we imitate him, we reap the satisfying fruit of it.  Or, to approach it conversely: If you want to know the right thing to do, you’ll have to go to the Lord to find out what it is.  Wisdom pushes us toward the Lord to learn his ways.

For example, many single people seek satisfaction in romance.  Since Jesus’ relationship with the Church sets the pattern for all human romance (Eph 5:22-33), finding wisdom in this realm begins with imitating Jesus’ example.  That means men must learn to serve others more than themselves (Eph 5:25).  They should become mature enough to teach the Bible (Eph 5:26), and influential enough to help others flourish (Eph 5:27).  Women will benefit from holding out for such men, so they can have husbands worth following on their journey toward the Lord.  I advise singles to habitually imitate Jesus’ character before dating another person.  Failing to do so will result in unsatisfying romance, which is worse than having no romance at all.