Proverbs | Knowable Word

Take People to the True Savior

November 18, 2013 By Peter Krol

The first of three kinds of fool in Prov 6:1-19 is the Savior. Foolish saviors insert themselves between people’s choices and the consequences of those choices.

The wise know that the need for rescue is urgent, but there’s only one who can carry it out. There’s a savior, and I’m not he. Needy people most need to fear the Lord. They need to know Jesus and trust in the saving power of his death in their place and his resurrection to glory. If the Lord brings adverse consequences to draw people closer to him (Prov 3:11-12), then I’m keeping them away from God when I buffer them from those consequences.

Proverbs 6:1-5 isn’t for only those who cosign loans.

You might be the “savior” if you:

Let other students copy your homework.
Love when people talk about how much you’ve helped them.
Believe answering a phone call or text message is more important than anything, because this person needs you right now!
Have friends who keep coming to you for accountability, but nothing ever changes.
Are bitter because you’re always helping others but they’re never helping you.
Are proud because you’re the first one people turn to when they need help.
Are overwhelmed by how many people need your help.
Participate in service projects to feel better about yourself.
Claim to be a Christian, but you’re dating a non-Christian, and you think your partner might not go to church if not for your relationship.

None of these things necessarily makes you the foolish “savior.” But if there’s a pattern, you may be in danger. Ask others if they think you rescue people too much.

Hamed Saber (2006), Creative Commons

Jesus came for the sick, not for the healthy. If we take Jesus’ place as savior, we merely prolong the illness. People will never see their need and turn to him. But if we speak as Jesus’ ambassadors, letting him do his work in people’s lives, we get a front-row seat to his display of mercy. In helping to meet any need, our goal should always be to point people to Jesus and not to ourselves. Sometimes imaging Jesus means rescuing a child from a burning building. Other times it means allowing the child to touch the hot stove. In either case, we must take the burned one to Jesus, the only true savior.

The main problem is that people often don’t want grace; they want a bailout. They don’t want their feet held to the fire; they want their hands held. They want safety, not responsibility. They want an easy life, not a free gift. They want stability, not sacrifice. They want to subsidize their lifestyle, not change it. They want a nanny, not a neurosurgeon. So they ask for our help, while rejecting what would actually help.

So, in Jesus’ name, you can:

Lavish mercy without dulling the pain of their choices.
Participate in service projects to help others and not to assuage your own nagging guilt.
Meet financial needs by donating instead of co-signing.
Introduce your non-Christian partner to others who will speak of Jesus; then get yourself out of the way.
Offer tutoring instead of sharing your homework.
Let the call go to voicemail and return it at another time.

And remember that Jesus died for “saviors.” If you keep getting in the way of his saving work in others’ lives, he’s not ready to give up on you. If you love him, he promises to conform you to his image, and he won’t ever let you succeed at replacing him.

Question: Where do you see the “Savior” in your heart, and what would it look like to represent the true Savior instead?

The Savior Saves Because He Wants to Help

November 11, 2013 By Peter Krol

Last week I examined the Savior, the first of three kinds of fool in Proverbs 6:1-19.

At first glance there appears to be little connection between our world and this ancient practice of co-signing someone’s debt. At least that’s what I thought, until the day I led a Bible study on this passage and a girl broke down in tears because her parents had charged thousands of dollars to credit cards in her name. She had always thought it was good for her to rescue her parents by using her own unsullied credit to give them more margin. If she hadn’t, they might not have been able to make a mortgage payment. They might lose a car or their furniture. They might not be able to afford college tuition for her siblings.

Becoming surety, or co-signing loans, is actually so common today that we struggle to believe it’s problematic. Parents co-sign education loans for their children. Young adults share credit cards with their parents. Credit card companies (or other financial service providers) require entrepreneurs to sign a “personal guarantee” on a corporate line of credit. In the event that the business should go bankrupt, the credit card company can require the executive to repay the company’s debt from his personal assets.

Now one could make a case that Solomon never states explicitly that it’s wrong to co-sign a loan. He says only that you should deny yourself sleep until you can get out of the deal. One could also propose that it’s okay to co-sign for a family member since the borrower Solomon has in mind is a “stranger” (Prov 6:1). But I don’t suggest banking your opinion on that single word. It’s parallel to “neighbor,” which has quite a broad range of meaning. (See Prov 3:28.)

However, instead of debating the wisdom or folly of co-signing loans in certain situations, I would prefer to ask a more foundational question. Why does Solomon make this into such a big issue? Out of all the possible money-issues he could focus on, why warn against co-signing loans? Why not prohibit false weights and measures in the marketplace? Why not expose the evil of materialism? Why not denounce theft, bribery, extortion, larceny, or tax evasion?

The answer to these questions lies in yet another question: Why would a person even consider co-signing a loan? Why do people do it, when they know the risk is so great? Those who co-sign loans lack sense (Prov 17:18) and will surely suffer the loss of their own property (Prov 11:15, 22:26-27), so what could motivate someone to do it?

It’s simple: If a person I care about has a need, then I want to help.

Marc Falardeau (2011), Creative Commons

Perhaps the person in need has no one else to turn to. Maybe this person has exhausted every option. Perhaps bad luck and bad timing have collided in this person’s life, and I’m in a position to make it better. If I can help my loved one regain equilibrium, then I’ll have done my part. I can make the world a better place, and at least one person will thank me for it.

Note Solomon’s assumptions. Of course it’s important that we love others more than ourselves (Prov 3:27-35). Yes, we must image the Lord by helping those in need. But there are times when the best help we can offer is not to help. In other words, sometimes it’s unloving to rescue people from the consequences of their choices. And co-signing a loan is one of those times.

Wise people know that the need for rescue is urgent, but there’s only one who can accomplish it. There’s a savior, and I’m not he.

Question: How do you struggle with the temptation to rescue needy people?

Fool #1: The Savior

November 4, 2013 By Peter Krol

Proverbs 6:1-19 describes three kinds of fool.

The first fool is the Savior. This person really, really loves people. Especially needy people. Especially needy people who keep having needs. This person will bend over backwards to meet a need. The Savior will joyfully sacrifice time, money, and energy to help people with their problems. But…the problems never go away. And the people with problems multiply. The Savior attracts them and feels really good about it.

I am this fool. If you’re honest, you probably are, too.

My son, if you have put up security for your neighbor,
Have given your pledge for a stranger,
If you are snared in the words of your mouth,
Caught in the words of your mouth,
Then do this, my son, and save yourself,
For you have come into the hand of your neighbor:
Go, hasten, and plead urgently with your neighbor.
Give your eyes no sleep
And your eyelids no slumber;
Save yourself like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter,
Like a bird from the hand of the fowler (Prov 6:1-5, ESV).

The ancient world had no banks, no wire transfers, and no lines of credit. If you had no cash (in the form of coins), you had no net worth. You might be able to buy some life essentials with livestock, cloth, or labor, but otherwise you were likely to need a loan of some sort.

Tilemahos Efthimiadis (2006), Creative Commons

Another institution unfamiliar to the ancient world was the credit bureau. If you wanted to borrow money from me, I couldn’t run a credit check to prove your ability to repay the loan. So to lower risk, I could only get a sense of your character by talking to your family and friends. But to be really safe, I would require two signatures on the loan papers – one from you and one from your surety. Your surety was the person who promised to pay me back if somehow you found yourself unable to do so.

In Prov 6:1, Solomon writes to the person who has become the surety for another. He addresses the one who “put up security” and gave a pledge to repay someone else’s loan in case of default.

What’s at stake for this person? As a surety, you have “come into the hand of your neighbor” (Prov 6:3). If the borrower defaults, you become obligated to pay the debt. You have become a slave to someone else’s circumstances, and you ought not rest until you free yourself (Prov 6:4). You’re road kill unless you find a way out (Prov 6:5). You should not make such pledges. If you already have, nullify them at all costs.

This sort of Savior wasn’t limited to ancient Israel. Next week I’ll show how he’s still thriving and saving today.

Question: Where do you see the “Savior” in our generation?

The Savior, the Sluggard, and the Sower of Discord

October 28, 2013 By Peter Krol

In recent years, I’ve learned that much of parenting involves helping the children learn not to do dumb stuff that hurts themselves and others. One child destroys every tower and confiscates every treasure, then wonders why no other children want to play together. Another child leaps from couch to coffee table and back again, wondering how far the gap can widen before something bad happens. Yet another finds a bag of sweets, devours the entirety in secret, and moans over the ensuing tummy ache.

One glorious incident involved our basement’s air hockey table. One child, who was typically more curious than a PhD candidate, wraps the table’s electrical cord around the rear axle of a big wheel. This child then mounts the vehicle, hits the gas, and begins taking measurements. I’m not sure which hypothesis was being tested, but the experiment resulted in our household inventory becoming minus one air hockey table. And that child went on basement probation for a few weeks.

I scratch my head at these kids until I realize I’m no different. I do dumb things and act surprised when they don’t turn out well. I’ve already written of the time I photocopied my hindquarters at summer camp. With a broken machine, a gash on my thigh, and a humiliating confession behind me, a camp legend was born. Even today, I stay up too late at night and wonder why I’m too tired to carry out important tasks the next day. I belittle my wife in public and get upset when she’s not affectionate with me in private.

Solomon wrote Proverbs 6 to help fools like us: those in danger of harming themselves and ruining the people they love.

Jon Gales (2007), Creative Commons

Now most people read Proverbs for its practical advice. They crave cuts of beefy counsel to sink their teeth into. They want help with their finances or career path or relationships, but by the end of Proverbs 5, these spiritual carnivores feel like the steakhouse is always under construction and never open for business. So in Proverbs 6, Solomon finally serves up dense shanks for thoughtful chewing.

Proverbs 6:1-19 digresses from the big-picture framework of wisdom to portray three specific kinds of fool. The “Savior” tries to rescue needy people himself rather than pointing them to Jesus (Prov 6:1-5). The “Sluggard” makes a series of lazy choices that take him farther and farther from the Lord (Prov 6:6-11). The “Sower of Discord” breaks up the body of Christ, risking God’s condemnation, which could be atoned for by the broken body of Christ (Prov 6:12-19).

This section is unique in Prov 1-9 in that it doesn’t contain a command to listen. Did Solomon omit the command because his audience should have internalized it by now? He’s given enough theory; now he gets painfully specific. And the assumed question hangs in the background: Will you listen to instruction, even if it hurts to do so?

Question: Which of the three fools can you relate with?

3 Skills to Help You Find the Main Point

October 25, 2013 By Peter Krol

You’re swirling in details. You tried the OIA method of Bible study, and it yielded more observations and more questions than you could handle. You thought you’d dabble in the magic of Bible study, but the spell has taken over, and the water line has exceeded flood stage. You’re tempted to cue “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” and drown your exhaustion in a bucket of popcorn.

Don’t lose hope. You’re almost there; you just need to pull it all together and integrate the details into a coherent main point.

Such integration matters because ancient authors didn’t waste space with meaningless details. Every word had a purpose. Every sentence captured an idea. Every paragraph advanced the agenda. And every section had a main point. The accumulation of these points promoted the goal of bringing the audience closer to the Lord. These main points are the ones worth fighting for.

So how do we figure out the main point? I’ll give 3 tips and illustrate them from my recent posts on Proverbs 5.

1. Always ask “why?”

The challenge of interpretation is to move past the “what” to discover the “why” of the passage. Why is this text here? What was the author’s agenda?

Though most Bibles have headings at the beginning of each section (Proverbs 5 in ESV: “Warning Against Adultery”), these headings are usually observation summaries and not interpretive main points. These summaries help when you’re flipping through and trying to find a specific verse, but they don’t always comprise the passage’s meaning. To convert these summary headings to main points, sometimes you only have to ask “why.” For example, “Why does this passage warn us against adultery?”

Similarly, you can take any or all of your observations, ask “why,” and move closer to the main point.

2. Account for the context.

We’ve seen how the book overview places the work in history. This historical context influences our reading of the text and helps us to see the main point. In the case of Proverbs 5, we see Solomon training a new generation of nobility to lead Israel with purity and integrity.

In addition to the historical, two further types of context should guide us.

First, examine the literary context. What was the main point of the previous section of text? How does the author move from that section into this section? What issues lingered at the end of that section, and how does this section address those issues? Because Genesis 1 is the beginning, we have no prior literary context. Instead, this chapter will establish the context for everything that follows. Thus, we should read Genesis 2:4-25 (and following passages) in light of Genesis 1:1-2:3.

Second, examine any intertextual context. That is, use a search engine, cross-references, or list of Old Testament quotations to find other parts of the Bible that quote this section (or are quoted by it), and figure out the connection between them. When God inspired authors to quote other passages, he was showing us how to interpret those passages.

3. Track the author’s flow of thought.

Ask: How did the author get from the first verse to the last verse? Break the chapter into paragraphs or stanzas, and figure out each paragraph’s/stanza’s main point, which is a sub-point on the author’s agenda. String those points together to see how one paragraph/stanza moves to the next. If you’re still stumped, you can break each paragraph/stanza down into sentences and track the flow from sentence to sentence. Don’t give up; this challenging skill gets easier with practice.

For Proverbs 5, I outlined the flow of thought in my first post:

verses 1-6: not all sexual temptation is as good as it seems
verses 7-14: the wrong choices have dire consequences
verses 15-20: utter unselfishness in the context of marital love is surprisingly intoxicating
verses 21-23: those who think they know satisfaction better than God does have sprung their own trap

So, compiling all my observation and interpretation, my final post on Proverbs 5 reached this main point: The wise can see through the culture’s illusion of sexual “freedom.” This main point took me right to Jesus and on to application.

Sexual freedom is truly an illusion. Jesus submitted to the cross and the grave so we could be free of both forever; he proved it by his glorious resurrection. Now we get to image him to the world. Find your freedom in self-denial. Obtain life through your death. Secure satisfaction by serving and satisfying others, especially your spouse.

The wise person sees the culture’s illusions, blasts them with Bible dynamite, and wins others to radically selfless, Christ-like joy, far more exciting than either religious prudishness or enslaving immorality.

Each text has a point. These three skills will help you get there so you can see Jesus and find eternal life in him.

The Illusion of Freedom

October 21, 2013 By Peter Krol

The first section of Proverbs 5 (Prov 5:1-6) highlighted the deceptiveness of appearances. Not all is as it seems, and sexual immorality covers itself under the illusion of freedom. In this closing section, we see that deviation from God’s standards—what the culture calls “sexual freedom”—is not really free.

For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the Lord,
And he ponders all his paths.
The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him,
And he is held fast in the cords of his sin.
He dies for lack of discipline,
And because of his great folly he is led astray (Prov 5:21-23, ESV).

Jesus Solana (2012), Creative Commons

Pursuing immorality is like snapping the handcuffs, donning the straitjacket, locking the cage, or triggering the land mine. You thought to hunt a foxy partner, but the real hunters will “cry ‘havoc!’ and let slip the dogs of war.”[1] You are the prey, fit only to become a fur scarf or set of mounted antlers.

Notice first that God sees everything (Prov 5:21). Nothing we do is really in secret, though we reason with ourselves that it is so. To be free from the prying eyes of men is still to be under the fiery, knowing gaze of the Almighty. The First Catechism, a children’s version of Christian theology, summarizes:

Can you see God?
No. I cannot see God, but he always sees me.
Does God know all things?
Yes. Nothing can be hidden from God.[2]

Do these lines inspire you with hope or terrify you with despair, when you consider your sexual life of the past week or month?

Notice second that sin is ensnaring (Prov 5:22). We think that a little sin will produce a little happiness; otherwise, we wouldn’t do it! We must realize instead that every time we sin, we take up the yoke and subjugate ourselves to a harsh master. We choose slavery, not freedom. We more closely resemble unwelcome critters, to be caught and disposed of, than carefree gazelles, frolicking through glade and meadow.

Notice finally that, for the wicked, freedom is elusive (Prov 5:23). The sinner would rather die than become disciplined. The immoral person is full of “great folly” that leads him astray. He missed his turn and will never reach his destination. Life and freedom elude him; they’re always just out of reach.

Those final words (“led astray”) are significant because, in the Hebrew text, they represent the same vocabulary as was used in Prov 5:19 and Prov 5:20. Solomon commanded his reader to be “intoxicated” by the love of his spouse, and not by the forbidden woman. “Intoxicated” could also have been translated as “swerving astray” or “reeling” to show the repetition. The translators of the NET Bible[3] explain it this way in a note: “If the young man is not captivated by his wife but is captivated with a stranger in sinful acts, then his own iniquities will captivate him, and he will be led to ruin.”

The message is clear: sexual “freedom” is an illusion. Fools set their own traps and surprise themselves by springing them. The simple claim insufficient knowledge or education, and their traps are no less painful. Even those who ought to be wise struggle in the chains of self-love, self-focus, self-pity, and self-centered fear or insecurity.

Is there hope we’ll ever find the way of life and enjoy God’s delightful wisdom?

Appearances are truly deceptive. How could the son of a carpenter be, as the Nicene Creed states, “very God of very God?” How could one born in obscurity and killed in infamy provide God’s righteousness to any who want it?

Immorality has real consequences, and the pure and righteous one suffered so we immoral ones might be washed clean.

Marriage has phenomenal delights, and the Great Bridegroom chose to die and not demand his rights as Husband. In so doing, he didn’t coerce his Bride, but won her allegiance for the long haul.

Sexual freedom is truly an illusion. Jesus submitted to the cross and the grave so we could be free of both forever; he proved it by his glorious resurrection. Now we get to image him to the world. Find your freedom in self-denial. Obtain life through your death. Secure satisfaction by serving and satisfying others, especially your spouse.

The wise person sees the culture’s illusions, blasts them with Bible dynamite, and wins others to radically selfless, Christ-like joy, far more exciting than either religious prudishness or enslaving immorality.

[1] Shakespeare, Julius Caesar, III.1.273.

[2] Suwanee, GA: Great Commission Publications, Inc., 2003, Questions 11 & 12.

[3] Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C, 1996-2005.

The Best Object of Sexual Delight

October 14, 2013 By Peter Krol

Previously, I examined two atrocious abuses of sexually explicit Bible texts. I concluded with two observations from Prov 5:18: You ought to rejoice in your spouse, and you ought to rejoice in your spouse. This week I’ll unpack the second observation.

Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice in the wife of your youth (Prov 5:18, ESV)

Observe the proper object of delight: rejoice in “the wife of your youth” (Prov 5:18). “Be intoxicated always in her love” (Prov 5:19). Solomon does not say, “Rejoice in how amazing the whole thing is,” or, “Get drunk on the incomparable sensations of sex.” We’ve seen it already with money issues, and we’ll see it again in the next few chapters of Proverbs: We’re always tempted to focus on ourselves. In doing so, however, we ruin the very joy God desires for us.

Marriage will not solve your lust problem. Sex will not make you happy. Sexual climax will always result in crushing disappointment when it’s about you. However, when it’s about the other, when it begins with self-denial and ends with sacrificial service, when it regards the well-being and delight of your spouse as being more important than your own, then it reflects God’s own selfless love for his people. You begin to understand the delight and ecstasy of sharing Christ’s own heart for the Church (Eph 5:31-32), and you will fulfill your potential of having been created and redeemed in his image, after his own likeness.

In The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis understood that true godly romantic love finds delight in a person, a spouse, not in a feeling or experience:

We use a most unfortunate idiom when we say, of a lustful man prowling the streets, that he “wants a woman.” Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want. He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus. How much he cares about the woman as such may be gauged by his attitude to her five minutes after fruition (one does not keep the carton after one has smoked the cigarettes). Now Eros makes a man really want, not a woman, but one particular woman. In some mysterious but quite indisputable fashion the lover desires the Beloved herself, not the pleasure she can give.[1]

By contrast, love of Love harms the lover: “Love becomes a demon when it becomes a god.”[2]

If you are unmarried, you do not have to get married to have a fulfilling existence. If you aspire to marriage, the best preparation is to practice serving others now. As you think about sex and dating, “How far can I go?” is always the wrong question. Instead ask, “How sacrificially can I serve others?”

If you are widowed or divorced, you have not yet lost the good years; now is the time to lay down your life in Christ-like abandon for those around you. Don’t fall prey to bitterness or self-pity. Find help, and engage the community.

If you are married, perhaps you need to repent of the selfish way you’ve exercised your passion thus far, of the way you’ve either made unloving demands or withdrawn in desperate self-protection. Demanding certain acts or increased frequency of lovemaking may have been out of line. Resisting your spouse in fear may be selfish and unloving. Whatever your struggle, consider a new goal: “What will serve my spouse and Christ?” For in such consideration, we find real freedom and Christ-like empowerment.

Thus, whatever your marital status and whatever your history, the Lord offers you the opportunity to enjoy something better than you dreamed possible. He offers you pure water, sweet streams, and a blessed fountain, but only when your satisfaction is rooted in the denial of self and the satisfaction of others. Don’t settle for a trifle.

[1] The Four Loves (New York, Harcourt, Brace, 1960), p.94. Disclosure: This is an affiliate link, so if you click it and buy stuff from Amazon, you’ll support our site at no extra cost to yourself.

[2] p.22.

The Only Intoxication the Bible Advises

October 7, 2013 By Peter Krol

Last week, I examined two atrocious abuses of sexually explicit Bible texts. I concluded with two observations from Prov 5:18: You ought to rejoice in your spouse, and you ought to rejoice in your spouse. This week I’ll unpack the first observation.

Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice in the wife of your youth (Prov 5:18, ESV)

Subharnab Majumdar (2009), Creative Commons

God’s plan is for joy. It’s not for well-contained respectability. It’s not for safely restricted teenagers. It’s not for secretly confused husbands and wives. Pastor Paul Browne of New Life Orthodox Presbyterian Church in Williamsport, PA spoke at length of this joy, from Solomon’s other famous love poem, at my wedding:

The Song of Solomon appropriately celebrates the only kind of intoxication that the Bible advises, which is that we should be drunk on the love of our wives and husbands, but it celebrates that intoxication with a clear-eyed, morning-after sobriety. It doesn’t present the unimproved, unexamined, sophomoric, sickly sweet cotton candy goo of immature infatuation…

Marriage is the covenanted giving of two selves, man and woman, one to another, as long as they both shall live. This is an unreserved giving and receiving of self that involves body and soul, an exhaustive mutual indwelling, a complete interpenetration of persons, a relationship involving a simultaneous oneness and twoness that doesn’t erase individual identity, but sharpens it.

It is a fact that the Song of Solomon very much emphasizes the physical, bodily aspect of this mutual giving. In Song 2:16, “he grazes among the lilies” refers to kissing or the other intimacies of physical lovemaking in the Song…

So not only do the bride and groom anxiously await the time they can give themselves physically in God-blessed physical sexuality, but she envisions it lasting until “the day breathes, and the shadows flee away.” Here is the Word of God commending to us all-night making love in unbroken romantic tryst until the morning. And, of course, the bride in the Song of Solomon knows the possibility because she again likens her lover to a gazelle or a stag: sure-footed, agile, virile, potent, living life in 4-wheel drive…

The wonder of it is that this is lovemaking that takes place in a garden setting, a paradise that is untainted by guilt. When the shadows flee away, and the day comes, there are no regrets, there’s no sorrow, there is no fear of the light exposing wrongdoing, because God blesses this lovemaking in the permanently covenanted setting of marriage.[1]

God intends such intoxicating delight for every married couple, but it’s only possible when we do it according to the way of wisdom. God’s plan is for joy.

[1] Excerpt from Browne’s sermon delivered at my wedding on September 18, 2004.

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Don’t Abuse the Sexiest Parts of the Bible

September 30, 2013 By Peter Krol

Drink water from your own cistern,
Flowing water from your own well.
Should your springs be scattered abroad,
Streams of water in the streets?
Let them be for yourself alone,
And not for strangers with you.
Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice in the wife of your youth,
A lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
Be intoxicated always in her love.
Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman
And embrace the bosom of an adulteress? (Prov 5:15-20, ESV)

Sexual freedom is an illusion because immorality always brings death. But the Lord’s alternative is surprisingly intoxicating.

Before sipping from the glory of this text, however, consider two misconceptions regarding such sexually ecstatic and eye-popping-ly explicit Bible passages.

No peeking!

The first misconception is that it’s not decent. We shouldn’t discuss anatomy in public. Intoxicating love is awkward and uncomfortable. This sort of thing is okay to discuss in the last session of pre-marital counseling (at least, if the couple-to-be asks about it), but nowhere else.

Such prudishness about sexual matters led the medieval church to all sorts of ridiculous limitations on not only discussion but also the practice of vibrant sexuality in marriage. A friend of mine once showed me a “flow chart of sexual decision making, according to medieval penitential manuals.”[1] If you’re trying to bring back that loving feeling, make sure you answer each of the following questions correctly.

Are you married? Is this your spouse? Married more than three days? Is the wife menstruating? Is the wife pregnant? Is the wife nursing a child? Is it Lent? Is it Advent? Is it Whitsun week? Is it Easter week? Is it a feast day? Is it a fast day? Is it Sunday? Is it Wednesday? Is it Friday? Is it Saturday? Is it daylight? Are you naked? Are you in Church? Do you want a child? Then go ahead, but be careful: No fondling! No lewd kisses! No oral sex! No strange positions! Only once! Try not to enjoy it! Good luck! And take a bath when you’re finished.

Of course, we’re far more sophisticated today. We’d never go to such excess. We just make sure to teach the youth what they can’t do, and in the process, we neglect the beauty and glory of what God has in store for those who do it his way.

The second misconception about such Bible passages is that marriage will solve my lust problem. As an unmarried man, I once memorized Prov 5:15-20 with the full intention of wielding it against whichever fortunate young lady fell to the irresistible charm of my marriage proposal. If you can relate, let me challenge you: Your lust is selfish, and marriage won’t fix you. If you’re already married, more frequent sex won’t fix you. Yes, Paul said, “it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Cor 7:9), but that does not authorize you to treat your spouse as kindling for your own consumption. Far better for you to cleanse her “by the washing of water with the word” (Eph 5:25-28), even if it means you have to take lots of cold showers along the way. Your problem lies not with your singleness (nor with your spouse’s unresponsiveness), but within your own heart. Your greatest need is not for the freedom to execute your desire on a beloved, but for the freedom that comes from self-controlled self-denial.

Both misconceptions fail to grapple with verse 18: “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth.” Observe two things: You ought to rejoice in your spouse, and you ought to rejoice in your spouse. We’ll unpack these two observations over the next two weeks.

[1] From James A. Brundage, Law, Sex, and Christian Society in Medieval Europe (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1987), p.162. Disclosure: this is an affiliate link, so if you click on it and buy stuff from Amazon, you’ll support our site at no extra cost to yourself.

Wise People Crave Wisdom

September 25, 2013 By Peter Krol

Sharper Iron posted an article by Ed Vasicek on the wisdom of Solomon. Vasicek rightly says that “wise people crave more and more wisdom, for wisdom is given to those who value it.”

He shows how Solomon asked God for wisdom in 1 Kings 3 because he felt inadequate to lead God’s people. Wise people always feel inadequate, and so fear the Lord, desiring his instruction.

Vasicek highlights a few things I didn’t cover in my introduction to Proverbs, so I recommend you check it out!

HT: Jake Swink

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