Satisfaction | Knowable Word

Satisfaction is God’s Design

September 12, 2025 By Peter Krol

Satisfaction is the fruit of both finding and keeping wisdom. Why?

The Lord by wisdom founded the earth;
By understanding he established the heavens;
By his knowledge the deeps broke open,
And the clouds drop down the dew (Prov 3:19-20).

These two verses form the hinge on which the main point of Prov 3:13-26 swings: God designed the universe by means of wisdom. Wisdom is not an end in itself; it ought to lead us to the Lord and Giver of wisdom. Thus, finding satisfaction in wisdom really means finding satisfaction in the Lord. There are at least three biblical reasons why this point is significant.

1. In creating the world, God demonstrated wisdom.

"The Old World" by Mark H. Evans (2010), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License — Mark H. Evans (2010), Creative Commons

When God created the world, he set an example for us to follow. He exhibited wisdom then, and he expects us to imitate him now. In particular, Genesis 1 describes how God made a world that was initially dark, shapeless, and empty: “The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep” (Gen 1:2). He proceeded to give it light (Gen 1:3, 14), shape (Gen 1:4-10, 17-18), and stuff (Gen 1:11-12, 20-25). After doing so, he made people “in his own image,” expecting them to imitate his model (Gen 1:26-28). It pleases God when we bring the light of truth to the darkness, the shape of organization to the wildness, and the fullness of more worshipers to all the corners of the earth. We can do this personally (as we grow in Christ), corporately (as we join and serve a church), or socially (as we engage the culture or help those in need). Such is wisdom: Follow God’s example.

What does God’s example have to do with satisfaction? We’ve already seen the blessings of finding and keeping wisdom. It will go well for us when we do things God’s way. God demonstrates how life works best. When we imitate him, we reap the satisfying fruit of it. Or, to approach it conversely: If you want to know the right thing to do, you’ll have to go to the Lord to find out what it is. Wisdom pushes us toward the Lord to learn his ways.

For example, many single people seek satisfaction in romance. Since Jesus’ relationship with the Church sets the pattern for all human romance (Eph 5:22-33), finding wisdom in this realm begins with imitating Jesus’ example. That means men must learn to serve others more than themselves (Eph 5:25). They should become mature enough to teach the Bible (Eph 5:26), and influential enough to help others flourish (Eph 5:27). Women will benefit from holding out for such men, so they can have husbands worth following on their journey toward the Lord. I advise singles to habitually imitate Jesus’ character before dating another person. Failing to do so will result in unsatisfying romance, which is worse than having no romance at all.

2. In enthroning mankind, God provided wisdom.

"Plug" by Rob Pongsajapan (2005), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License — Rob Pongsajapan (2005), Creative Commons

At the end of God’s creating work, he gave humanity the authority to rule the world as his representatives: “Fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over…every living thing” (Gen 1:28). They were to care for and protect God’s possessions with love and respect: “The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it” (Gen 2:15). When God entrusted people with this task, he did not leave them ill-equipped. He gave them everything they needed: clear instructions (Gen 1:28, 2:16-17), nutrition (Gen 1:29-30), hydration (Gen 2:10-14), aesthetics (Gen 2:9: “every tree that is pleasant to the sight”), and life (Gen 2:7). He even spelled out the consequences of failure so they’d know what to expect: “in the day that you eat of [the tree of the knowledge of good and evil] you shall surely die” (Gen 2:17). In short, he gave them both the knowledge of what to do, and the resources to carry it out. He built wisdom right into the world so they could download it into their hearts. Such is wisdom: Receive God’s help.

What does God’s empowerment have to do with satisfaction? God’s gift to the wise is not only the strength to make wise choices, but also the satisfaction found in doing so. (See Ecc 5:18-20.) If you need strength to do what God wants you to do, you’ll have to seek God to get it. He is the giver of instruction and ability. Wisdom pushes us toward the Lord to receive his power for living.

Let’s say you have a history of unwise dating relationships. You can’t resist a nice body or an attentive ear. You get the attention you desire, but you desire more of it all the time. Because you haven’t learned self-control and self-sacrifice, you can’t keep your lips or hands off your partner. You feel guilty every time you cross the line, but you can see your resolve weakening. You know what Jesus wants you to do. You know what he would do in your place. It’s just so hard to do it yourself. What hope is there that you can find and keep wisdom, and be satisfied in doing so?

Know that if you trust in Jesus, his Spirit is within you. He is at work in you to carry out his will. He can make you more faithful and selfless than you thought possible. His example might encourage you, but his indwelling power provides you with the strength to change. Stop making excuses. Ask him for help, and believe that he can give it.

3. In redeeming all things, God became wisdom.

God’s example and God’s empowerment are wonderful things, but they are not enough to satisfy us with wisdom. If God merely demonstrated and disbursed wisdom, it would be bad news for sinful people; God’s example would crush us, and his empowerment would condemn us. So he didn’t leave it there.

So in addition, he became wisdom for us. The eternal God entered the world as a man, Jesus Christ, and he did for us what we could not do for ourselves: find and keep wisdom. He showed us wisdom, he gave us wisdom, and best of all, he became our wisdom (1 Cor 1:30).

Jesus lived without a trace of foolishness and should have been rewarded with long life, riches, honor, pleasantness, and peace. However, consider what he got:

"At the cross I bow my knee" by Demi-Brooke (2009), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License — Demi-Brooke (2009), Creative Commons

Instead of gaining long life, he died a premature death in our place.
Instead of keeping riches (a close relationship with God), he was abandoned on the cross by his heavenly Father.
Instead of receiving honor, he experienced great shame in the physical nakedness of his crucifixion and the spiritual darkness of his substitution when he became sin for us.
Instead of finding pleasantness (a straight path to God), he was cut off from fellowship with the one he loved most.
Instead of enjoying peace, he was attacked by God and men.

Yet in dying our death, he brought us life: “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Cor 5:21). After God accepted Jesus’ sacrificial death on our behalf, he raised Jesus up:

He came back from the dead, acquiring an indestructible life.
His relationship with God (true riches) was restored, and he took his seat at God’s right hand.
His shame gave way to unprecedented honor, for every knee will bow at his name.
The pleasantness (unhindered straightness) of his way to God was restored. And this restoration is not just for him, but also for all who love him.
As was foretold at his birth, he brought glory to God in heaven and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased.

In short, Jesus lived wisely, and we could not; so he took our place. Upon doing so, he suffered the consequences of our foolishness, so that we who are fools could reap the satisfying rewards of his wisdom. Such is wisdom: Accept God’s rescue.

Don’t Just Find Wisdom – Keep It!

September 5, 2025 By Peter Krol

Solomon promises blessing not only to those who find wisdom, but also to those who keep it.

My son, do not lose sight of these—
Keep sound wisdom and discretion,
And they will be life for your soul
And adornment for your neck.
Then you will walk on your way securely,
And your foot will not stumble.
If you lie down, you will not be afraid;
When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
Do not be afraid of sudden terror
Or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes,
For the Lord will be your confidence
And will keep your foot from being caught (Prov 3:21-26).

Solomon details for a second time how wisdom satisfies. First, notice what’s similar between this list (Prov 3:21-26) and the first one (Prov 3:13-18). Both sections consist of six verses with a key word near the beginning and ending: This time the key word is “keep” (although, to be technical, the two “keeps” in the Hebrew text are synonyms and not the same word). In addition, both sections give the same list of benefits. Here’s the list from 21-26:

Life (Prov 3:22). Compare with “long life” on the first list.
Adornment (Prov 3:22). Compare with “honor.” Wisdom makes you influential, so others will honor you.
Security (Prov 3:23). Compare with “peace.” How could you be more secure than to have no (ultimately powerful) enemies?
No fear (Prov 3:24-25). Compare with “pleasantness.” The more you grow in godliness, the less you will fear being ruined. God is drawing you near, not pushing you away. You’ll sleep better because of it.
Confidence in the Lord (Prov 3:26). It’s possible that this item is parallel to “riches” on the first list. If so, Solomon explains what our true, lasting riches are: not anything found on earth at all, but a relationship with the Lord himself, made possible by the gift of his own righteousness.

Second, observe what’s different about the two sections: the first section is about “finding” wisdom and “getting” understanding (Prov 3:13), while the second section is about “keeping” them (Prov 3:21). It is not enough that we “find” wisdom (Prov 3:13). We must hold fast to it (Prov 3:18). We must never lose sight of it (Prov 3:21). We must keep it with us at all times (Prov 3:21). The difference is between beginning our journey and ending it. Remember that we never are wise; we can only become wise. Wise people are those who keep moving in the right direction. It might sound cliché, but it’s true: Wisdom is a journey, not a destination. The moment we slow down, we’ve lost our way.

The purpose of this journey is to take us to the Lord. Remember from chapter 1 that the wise are those who are moving toward the Lord. It is critical that we stay this course.

As we “keep” wisdom, the Lord himself will “keep” us from being caught (Prov 3:26). Caught by what, exactly?

Caught by our own love for being simple? Yes: See Prov 1:22.
Caught by others who will trample us on their way to self-fulfillment? Yes: See Prov 2:12-19.
Caught by the disappointment of living in a fallen world where things do not usually turn out as we expect? Yes: See Prov 3:11-12.
Caught by our proclivity to believe that money, or anything else we might desire, will give us the life, honor, pleasantness, and peace we’re looking for? Yes: See Prov 3:14-15.

God doesn’t want any of these things to ensnare you. Don’t ever let wisdom out of your grasp; chase after it every day. (See Prov 19:27.) Only wisdom can give the satisfaction you’re looking for.

One of my daughters loves fruit. She pursues it like a young lover; she consumes it like an American. She’ll lie like an incumbent to get it, and she’ll scream like a banshee if you take it. We took her strawberry picking once, before she could even walk, and she came home with the juice saturating her jumper, giving her the look of a cannibalistic fiend. She’ll rush through dessert just to get more fruit. Thirty minutes later, she’ll ask for more fruit in a cup to carry around the house and munch on. She’s simply insatiable, and our produce budget can’t keep up.

We should be like that when it comes to wisdom.

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

The Blessings of Finding Wisdom

August 29, 2025 By Peter Krol

Last week, we saw that those who find wisdom receive blessings. This week we’ll unpack what exactly those blessings are.

"Treasure Chest" by Tom Garnett (2012), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License — “Treasure Chest” by Tom Garnett (2012), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License

Long life is in her right hand;
In her left hand are riches and honor.
Her ways are ways of pleasantness,
And all her paths are peace (Prov 3:16-17).

Look at what awaits you if you find wisdom:

Long life (Prov 3:16). We saw previously that Solomon understands “long life” to go beyond the grave. You may or may not make it to age 100, but the life mentioned here is something far more significant. It is a “tree of life” (Prov 3:18). God took the tree of life from Adam and Eve when they sinned (Gen 3:22-24), but Jesus promised to give it back to everyone who endures in faith to the end: “To the one who conquers I will grant to eat of the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God” (Rev 2:7). Finding wisdom is part of this restoration process.
Riches (Prov 3:16). Wisdom does not promise you more money; Solomon just said he’s offering something better than money (Prov 3:14-15)! The Lord offers a treasure that, unlike money, delivers from death: “Treasures gained by wickedness do not profit, but righteousness delivers from death” (Prov 10:2). Wisdom’s wealth is God’s righteousness, now available through Jesus. It provides acceptance and rescue. (See Rom 3:21-26.)
Honor (Prov 3:16). It might not mean that everyone likes you. But there is a general trust and influence that results when you are gracious and humble, fearing the Lord: “The reward for humility and fear of the Lord is riches and honor and life” (Prov 22:4). Insightful people will see the outcome of your wise life and call you blessed (Prov 3:18). In Little Women, dying Beth finds a note written by her sister Jo enumerating her virtues and bestowing such honor as Solomon pledges. Her response? “Have I been all that to you, Jo? … Then I don’t feel as if I’d wasted my life. I’m not so good as you make me, but I have tried to do right.”
Pleasantness (Prov 3:17). When you seek wisdom, you may still suffer, but ultimately your way to God will become straight: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart…and he will make straight your paths” (Prov 3:5-6). In other words, God’s will for you will become crystal clear: “For this is the will of God: your sanctification” (1 Thess 4:3). You will seek him and love him more every day. His commandments will seem more pleasant and less burdensome as you grow closer to him.
Peace (Prov 3:17). Our war with God has come to an end: “Since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ” (Rom 5:1). We can now be agents of reconciliation for others as well: “In Christ, God was reconciling the world to himself…and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation” (2 Cor 5:18-19). This peace will spill into every other relationship, wreaking havoc on disorder and waging war against conflict.

Why do we settle for less?

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

Finding Wisdom is Better than Anything

August 22, 2025 By Peter Krol

We think we’re blessed when life goes well for us. But Proverbs says we’re blessed if we find wisdom.

Blessed is the one who finds wisdom,
And the one who gets understanding,
For the gain from her is better than gain from silver
And her profit better than gold.
She is more precious than jewels,
And nothing you desire can compare with her.
Long life is in her right hand;
In her left hand are riches and honor.
Her ways are ways of pleasantness,
And all her paths are peace.
She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her;
Those who hold her fast are called blessed (Prov 3:13-18).

Thia section begins and ends with the word “blessed.” Notice the many blessings that come when one “finds wisdom” and “gets understanding” (Prov 3:13).

Prov 3:14-15 says that wisdom’s blessings are “better.” We’re often drawn to things like silver, gold, and jewels to give us value and satisfaction, but Solomon promises that what we gain from wisdom is better than whatever we might gain from such treasures. “But we don’t care about money,” we might say. “There are far more important things in life. Love, family, reputation, productivity, influence, world peace, pets, and chocolate all come to mind.” Solomon brushes every one aside with a sweeping, “And nothing you desire can compare with her” (Prov 1:15).

Consider the implications of this verse. Finding wisdom is a greater blessing than having sex, even if you waited until marriage. Wisdom is more satisfying than Thanksgiving dinner. Wisdom will make you happier than conceiving a child will. If your goal is to graduate, get a job, find a soul mate, help the needy, gain a hearing, start a business, write a book, join a band, fit in, get your kids through college, protect your kids from losing their faith in college, master theology, find a good church, go fishing, win the election, pay the bills, grow your church, buy a house, retire comfortably, live close to your grandchildren, leave a legacy, or be left alone — then your goal is too small. It won’t satisfy you. All of these things are good, but none of them can compare to wisdom.

We think we’re experts in satisfaction, but we’re like adolescents absorbed in hand-held video games at the beach: captivated in our own world while missing out on all the real fun.

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

Wisdom in Satisfaction

August 15, 2025 By Peter Krol

Over the last few weeks, we considered how wisdom speaks to our disappointment; now we’ll see that wisdom speaks to our satisfaction as well. The choices we make toward wisdom or folly can have a significant impact on the quality of our lives.

I know an aged couple who live an enviable retirement. They use their freedom to serve others more than themselves. The husband, a former pastor, provides free or cheap preaching to small churches that lack a full-time minister. The wife grows her own garden, cooks her own meals, and drives her own car. Although in their 80s, they frequent the local gym for aerobic exercise. They snack on oranges every evening, are living off their own savings, and get to see their grandchildren regularly.

Another elderly couple in my acquaintance unfortunately does not experience such delightful blessings. Their bodies have deteriorated from years of gluttony and various addictions. They have few friends because their conversation generally drifts into some sort of gossip or complaining. Their money has long since run out, and their children tire under the burden of both caring for them and negotiating matters with their creditors. I love these folks dearly, but I’m saddened by their situation.

I’m not arguing that it’s easy to make good choices, nor that the good life always results when wise people make righteous choices. My aim is simply to show that we don’t have to look very hard to uncover evidence of the fact that deeds have consequences. The chief consequence of wisdom is satisfaction: not in ourselves, but in the Lord Jesus. Satisfaction comes from having our desires met or exceeded, which can happen only through Jesus, who is our “wisdom from God” (1 Cor 1:30).

In this section of Proverbs, Solomon explains that there is tremendous satisfaction for those who find (Prov 3:13-18) and keep (Prov 3:21-26) wisdom. The reason is simple: God designed it this way so we’d be satisfied in him (Prov 3:19-20). As Augustine so keenly observed, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you” (Confessions, I.1.).

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

Beware The Leech’s Daughters

June 2, 2023 By Peter Krol

I’ve always been puzzled—but fascinated—by Proverbs 30:15a:

The leech has two daughters: Give and Give.
Prov 30:15a, ESV

The NIV puts the “gives” in their mouths rather than in their names:

The leech has two daughters. ‘Give! Give!’ they cry.
Prov 30:15a, NIV

Regardless of whether “give” is their label or their lingo, what is going on in this proverbial saying?

Notice what follows

The next stanza, about four things that are never satisfied, certainly relates.

There are three things that are never satisfied,
four that never say, ‘Enough!’:
the grave, the barren womb,
land, which is never satisfied with water,
and fire, which never says, ‘Enough!’
Prov 30:15b-16, NIV

The demands (or names) of the leech’s daughters are parallel to these four things that never say “enough.” Just as the grave is never satisfied with the size of its membership, and fire never decides it’s time to pack up and go home—so also there are leech fathers and daughters who will always demand more and more and more.

Okay, that makes sense, but what is the point? What wisdom is the sage trying to teach here?

Notice what sandwiches

These sayings about perpetually dissatisfied things come right between two stanzas about a generation that rejects the wisdom of ages past. A generation that believes itself to be on the right side of history, having developed beyond the antiquated wisdom of its ancestors.

There are those who curse their father
and do not bless their mothers.
There are those who are clean in their own eyes
but are not washed of their filth.
There are those—how lofty are their eyes,
how high their eyelids lift!
There are those whose teeth are swords,
whose fangs are knives,
to devour the poor from off the earth,
the needy from among mankind.
Prov 30:11-14

The eye that mocks a father
and scorns to obey a mother
will be picked out by the ravens of the valley
and eaten by the vultures.
Prov 30:17

Can’t help but ask

So what is it that drives such a generation to reject the wisdom of previous generations? To curse and mock fathers and forefathers?

Could it be an insatiable drive for more? A perpetual lack of satisfaction?

Or is it the other way around? Is it the rejection of ancient wisdom that causes the perpetual dissatisfaction of a generation of leeches? Such that, when you lose your grounding in the reality of God’s world, you have nothing left but to make increasing demands of the people and the world around you?

The leech has two daughters. Not only in ancient Israel, but quite alive and well today.

Wisdom’s Credentials

July 28, 2014 By Peter Krol

Even if you like baseball, you probably haven’t heard of Rowan Wick, but someday you might. He rocked our town earlier this summer, but now he’s gone.

The State College Spikes are a Single-A short season minor league affiliate of the St. Louis Cardinals. Our family goes to enough games that we feel like we get to know the players. This season, Rowan Wick needed only 19 games to break the Spikes’ single-season home run record. After Wick’s 14 homers, 38 RBIs, and a .378 batting average, the Cardinals decided it was time to move him up the chain, and they relocated him to the Peoria Chiefs in Illinois.

We miss Wick and the high-strung energy that rippled through the stadium when he was at the plate. But he was well-qualified for the next level of baseball, and his credentials earned him a place of honor and advancement in the Cardinals franchise.

Similarly, Proverbs 8:22-31 describes wisdom’s qualifications for honor and advancement. In this chapter, Solomon has already promised wisdom’s surprising availability and unimaginable fruit. Now he backs up his assertions with some particular credentials.

Wisdom is the Lord’s Possession

The LORD possessed me at the beginning of his work,
the first of his acts of old. (Prov 8:22, ESV)

Wisdom is an affiliate, not an independent. Because wisdom belongs to the Lord, those who find wisdom find God’s favor (Prov 8:35). And because godly wisdom provides a pipeline to the God of wisdom, becoming wise and drawing near to God are the same. You can’t know God without receiving his instruction and becoming more like him.

The point is this: Seeking wisdom is seeking the Lord.

Wisdom was brought forth before God made the world

Ages ago I was set up,
at the first, before the beginning of the earth.
When there were no depths I was brought forth,
when there were no springs abounding with water.
Before the mountains had been shaped,
before the hills, I was brought forth,
before he had made the earth with its fields,
or the first dust of the world. (Prov 8:23-26)

Observe the fourfold “before” and the double repetition of “I was brought forth.” There’s a sense in which wisdom is passive; it exists because God chose to bring it out. Before the Lord made anything tangible—before his work of shaping the earth—he brought forth wisdom and paraded it around.

In other words, wisdom is more fundamental and central to existence than any other created thing. That’s why wisdom is better than jewels (Prov 8:11) and gold (Prov 8:19). Wisdom is more intimate and satisfying than sexual activity (Prov 7:4-5). Nothing we desire compares with wisdom (Prov 3:15). If we get anything at all on earth, it should be wisdom and insight (Prov 4:7).

The point is this: Life without wisdom isn’t truly life.

Wisdom was present when God made the world

When he established the heavens, I was there;
when he drew a circle on the face of the deep,
when he made firm the skies above,
when he established the fountains of the deep,
when he assigned to the sea its limit,
so that the waters might not transgress his command,
when he marked out the foundations of the earth,
then I was beside him,
like a master workman. (Prov 8:27-30a)

Notice how “I was brought forth” in the previous stanza (Prov 8:24-25) has shifted to “I was there” (Prov 8:27) and “I was beside him” (Prov 8:30). Wisdom was present in the world from Day 1. When God created the heavens and the earth, wisdom saw what God did and how he did it. Wisdom saw what worked and gained experience as a “master workman” (Prov 8:30).

The point is this: The way of wisdom is tried and true. God’s wisdom makes the most sense of how the world works.

Wisdom delights

I was daily his delight,
rejoicing before him always,
rejoicing in his inhabited world
and delighting in the children of man. (Prov 8:30b-31)

In this stanza, wisdom finally gets active. It goes from being possessed, being brought forth, and being present to delighting and rejoicing.

Wisdom delights in two ways: It is both delightful to God and delighting in others. Note the progression:

God delights in wisdom.
Wisdom rejoices before God.
Wisdom rejoices in the world.
Wisdom delights in humanity.

God didn’t implant the world with wisdom because it would kill joy. No, quite the opposite. He knew wisdom’s delight would go viral. He understood that his world would be dull without wisdom. What use would sex and money and music and sports and hiking and productivity all be if we couldn’t know the fear of the Lord, receive instruction about how life works best, find satisfaction in God’s ways, and have hope that anything can change? “Then I saw that there is more gain in wisdom than in folly, as there is more gain in light than in darkness. The wise person has his eyes in his head, but the fool walks in darkness” (Eccl 2:13-14).

And joy will be joyful only when we know the joy God has in us.

The point is this: Wisdom gives you eyes to see who alone can make you happy.

The Best Object of Sexual Delight

October 14, 2013 By Peter Krol

Previously, I examined two atrocious abuses of sexually explicit Bible texts. I concluded with two observations from Prov 5:18: You ought to rejoice in your spouse, and you ought to rejoice in your spouse. This week I’ll unpack the second observation.

Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice in the wife of your youth (Prov 5:18, ESV)

Observe the proper object of delight: rejoice in “the wife of your youth” (Prov 5:18). “Be intoxicated always in her love” (Prov 5:19). Solomon does not say, “Rejoice in how amazing the whole thing is,” or, “Get drunk on the incomparable sensations of sex.” We’ve seen it already with money issues, and we’ll see it again in the next few chapters of Proverbs: We’re always tempted to focus on ourselves. In doing so, however, we ruin the very joy God desires for us.

Marriage will not solve your lust problem. Sex will not make you happy. Sexual climax will always result in crushing disappointment when it’s about you. However, when it’s about the other, when it begins with self-denial and ends with sacrificial service, when it regards the well-being and delight of your spouse as being more important than your own, then it reflects God’s own selfless love for his people. You begin to understand the delight and ecstasy of sharing Christ’s own heart for the Church (Eph 5:31-32), and you will fulfill your potential of having been created and redeemed in his image, after his own likeness.

In The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis understood that true godly romantic love finds delight in a person, a spouse, not in a feeling or experience:

We use a most unfortunate idiom when we say, of a lustful man prowling the streets, that he “wants a woman.” Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want. He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus. How much he cares about the woman as such may be gauged by his attitude to her five minutes after fruition (one does not keep the carton after one has smoked the cigarettes). Now Eros makes a man really want, not a woman, but one particular woman. In some mysterious but quite indisputable fashion the lover desires the Beloved herself, not the pleasure she can give.[1]

By contrast, love of Love harms the lover: “Love becomes a demon when it becomes a god.”[2]

If you are unmarried, you do not have to get married to have a fulfilling existence. If you aspire to marriage, the best preparation is to practice serving others now. As you think about sex and dating, “How far can I go?” is always the wrong question. Instead ask, “How sacrificially can I serve others?”

If you are widowed or divorced, you have not yet lost the good years; now is the time to lay down your life in Christ-like abandon for those around you. Don’t fall prey to bitterness or self-pity. Find help, and engage the community.

If you are married, perhaps you need to repent of the selfish way you’ve exercised your passion thus far, of the way you’ve either made unloving demands or withdrawn in desperate self-protection. Demanding certain acts or increased frequency of lovemaking may have been out of line. Resisting your spouse in fear may be selfish and unloving. Whatever your struggle, consider a new goal: “What will serve my spouse and Christ?” For in such consideration, we find real freedom and Christ-like empowerment.

Thus, whatever your marital status and whatever your history, the Lord offers you the opportunity to enjoy something better than you dreamed possible. He offers you pure water, sweet streams, and a blessed fountain, but only when your satisfaction is rooted in the denial of self and the satisfaction of others. Don’t settle for a trifle.

[1] The Four Loves (New York, Harcourt, Brace, 1960), p.94. Disclosure: This is an affiliate link, so if you click it and buy stuff from Amazon, you’ll support our site at no extra cost to yourself.

[2] p.22.

The Best Wedding Sermon Ever

October 8, 2013 By Peter Krol

Yesterday, I quoted at length from the sermon Paul Browne preached at my wedding. It was the best wedding sermon I’ve ever heard, and not just because it was my own wedding. Being in college ministry, I get invited to a lot of weddings (we consider it an occupational hazard).

If you’d like to hear a great sermon about having great sex because we have a great savior, this is it.

I wish the quality were better, but it was originally recorded on audio cassette. Here’s a link to download the file.

Happy Anniversary, Erin! (We just celebrated 9 years.)

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The Only Intoxication the Bible Advises

October 7, 2013 By Peter Krol

Last week, I examined two atrocious abuses of sexually explicit Bible texts. I concluded with two observations from Prov 5:18: You ought to rejoice in your spouse, and you ought to rejoice in your spouse. This week I’ll unpack the first observation.

Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice in the wife of your youth (Prov 5:18, ESV)

Subharnab Majumdar (2009), Creative Commons

God’s plan is for joy. It’s not for well-contained respectability. It’s not for safely restricted teenagers. It’s not for secretly confused husbands and wives. Pastor Paul Browne of New Life Orthodox Presbyterian Church in Williamsport, PA spoke at length of this joy, from Solomon’s other famous love poem, at my wedding:

The Song of Solomon appropriately celebrates the only kind of intoxication that the Bible advises, which is that we should be drunk on the love of our wives and husbands, but it celebrates that intoxication with a clear-eyed, morning-after sobriety. It doesn’t present the unimproved, unexamined, sophomoric, sickly sweet cotton candy goo of immature infatuation…

Marriage is the covenanted giving of two selves, man and woman, one to another, as long as they both shall live. This is an unreserved giving and receiving of self that involves body and soul, an exhaustive mutual indwelling, a complete interpenetration of persons, a relationship involving a simultaneous oneness and twoness that doesn’t erase individual identity, but sharpens it.

It is a fact that the Song of Solomon very much emphasizes the physical, bodily aspect of this mutual giving. In Song 2:16, “he grazes among the lilies” refers to kissing or the other intimacies of physical lovemaking in the Song…

So not only do the bride and groom anxiously await the time they can give themselves physically in God-blessed physical sexuality, but she envisions it lasting until “the day breathes, and the shadows flee away.” Here is the Word of God commending to us all-night making love in unbroken romantic tryst until the morning. And, of course, the bride in the Song of Solomon knows the possibility because she again likens her lover to a gazelle or a stag: sure-footed, agile, virile, potent, living life in 4-wheel drive…

The wonder of it is that this is lovemaking that takes place in a garden setting, a paradise that is untainted by guilt. When the shadows flee away, and the day comes, there are no regrets, there’s no sorrow, there is no fear of the light exposing wrongdoing, because God blesses this lovemaking in the permanently covenanted setting of marriage.[1]

God intends such intoxicating delight for every married couple, but it’s only possible when we do it according to the way of wisdom. God’s plan is for joy.

[1] Excerpt from Browne’s sermon delivered at my wedding on September 18, 2004.