Humility

God Opposes the Proud

October 24, 2025 By Peter Krol

Wisdom is humble. Humility means putting others first. But why does it matter?

For the devious person is an abomination to the Lord,
But the upright are in his confidence.
The Lord’s curse is on the house of the wicked,
But he blesses the dwelling of the righteous.
Toward the scorners he is scornful,
But to the humble he gives favor.
The wise will inherit honor,
But fools get disgrace. (Prov. 3:32-35)

R. Nial Bradshaw (2013), Creative Commons

This section has four statements about God’s perspective on those who obey or disobey the commands of Prov. 3:27-30. The first three show first God’s displeasure toward the disobedient, followed by his favor toward the obedient. The fourth statement reverses the order, signaling the end of the section.

The language here is not moderate. “Abomination” (Prov. 3:32) may be the strongest possible term to express hatred. The devious person, who builds himself up by tearing others down, is an object of God’s extreme hatred (Prov. 3:32). The wicked, who ignores God’s instruction and goes his own way, is thwarted by God at every turn (Prov. 3:33). Scorners, who always believe they know better than everyone else, receive the Lord’s scorn (Prov. 3:34). Fools, who love simplicity and refuse to learn wisdom, become disgraceful examples of what not to do (Prov. 3:35).

What’s abominable to God is often distasteful to others as well. I’m sure you’ve seen (or been) the person who’s so focused on himself that he brings his own disgrace. Comedian Brian Regan, with surprising insight, cautions us to “Beware the Me Monster.”

I made the mistake of trying to tell a story about having only two wisdom teeth pulled, and I learned a lesson: Don’t ever try to tell a two-wisdom-teeth story because you ain’t goin’ nowhere. The four-wisdom-teeth people are going to parachute in and cut you off at the pass. ‘Halt! Halt with your two-wisdom-tooth tale!’ You will never complete one; trust me.[1]

The “Me Monster” is the person who always focuses on himself. Even the world recognizes how ugly this behavior is.

In contrast, the upright person, who imitates God’s pattern of selfless love, is brought into God’s intimate circle (Prov. 3:32). The righteous one, who trusts in God’s provision and not his own performance, receives God’s backing for every endeavor (Prov. 3:33). The humble person, who considers others more important than himself, is given favor from the Lord (Prov. 3:34). The wise person, who never stops learning and loving, gets praise from the King of Heaven (Prov. 3:35).

God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. These two roads lead in opposite directions, and there’s not much room between them. Where do you fall?

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

[1] From Regan’s video I Walked On the Moon.

Do Not Plan Evil

October 17, 2025 By Peter Krol

In teaching about wisdom and humility, Solomon’s first warning was against keeping what we have; this second warning is against taking what we want.

Do not plan evil against your neighbor,
Who dwells trustingly beside you.
Do not contend with a man for no reason,
When he has done you no harm. (Prov 3:29-30)

Wise people put others first, protecting their well-being. They don’t steal possessions by borrowing and not returning. They don’t steal time by not listening well. They don’t pick fights. They don’t argue about meaningless things. When a disagreement is significant, they work to persuade and woo, rather than coerce or manipulate.

“Do not contend” (Prov. 3:30) has a legal ring to it, referring to foolish lawsuits, but it implies much more than court proceedings. We ought to avoid damaging someone’s reputation needlessly. We ought to be as concerned for others’ reputations as we are for our own. Wise people don’t spread the dirt on others (Prov. 20:19); they refuse even to listen to it (Prov. 26:20-22). Whenever they hear someone’s “concerns” about another person or group, they make sure to get the whole story before coming to any conclusions (Prov. 18:13, 17).

I must confess that I am guilty. I have jumped to conclusions about others. I have listened to bad reports, and I’ve spread them foolishly. I haven’t always done my research, making sure to hear all sides of a matter. I can think of times when my information was true, but still should not have been passed on (Prov. 25:7b-10). I once prided myself on my ability to discern what needed to change for any person in any situation, and all along I was the one who most needed to change.

When we put ourselves at the center, we commit all kinds of evil against others, and we train ourselves to make it look good and religious. We stop listening to the Word of Wisdom, and we listen instead to the world around us. For example, I once sat innocently in a fast food restaurant, and my cup started preaching at me. No joke. It said:

This cup makes a statement about you. It says, ‘Hey, look at me. I’m an ambitious yet responsible person.’ You could have gone larger, but you didn’t. You could have gone smaller, but again, you deferred. No, you know exactly what you want in life, nothing more, nothing less. It’s good when you have things your way.[1]

We fall for garbage like this all the time, but the Lord calls us out of a pat-yourself-on-the-back, you-know-what’s-best-for-you mindset. When we fear him, being open to change, our focus steadily moves off ourselves and onto others. Our pride melts, and loving others becomes our delight. Before we know it, our relationship with the Lord hits fifth gear.

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

[1] Printed on the cup of a Burger King® medium-sized soft drink.

Do Not Withhold Good

October 10, 2025 By Peter Krol

Humility means putting other people first. This discipline excludes a number of proud and self-protective behaviors.

Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
When it is in your power to do it.
Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come again,
Tomorrow I will give it”—when you have it with you. (Prov 3:27-28)

The Principle

“Do not withhold good.” Easy, right? t means you get out of the way when other drivers want to merge into your lane. At least if they’re not too aggressive about it. But who are those “to whom it is due”? Believe it or not, this question requires wisdom, as we can easily fall into several self-justifying errors.

The first error is to define “those to whom it is due” so broadly that you invest all your time and resources in the wrong people. There will always be poor and needy among us who require assistance. Christ’s followers should be known as those who give and serve as generously as their Lord did. But there are certain kinds of people who won’t be helped by our charity. We ought to exercise discernment in such cases.

To give a few examples: Proverbs warns against angry people whom we ought not rescue (Prov. 19:19), gossiping people whom we ought not associate with (Prov. 20:19), and foolish people whom we ought not even try to convince (Prov. 23:9). Don’t err by expending the Lord’s resources on the wrong people in the hope of being the kind of savior that only Jesus can be for them. Solomon will return to this point in Proverbs 6:1-5, so I’ll expand on it there.

The second error, however, is to define “those to whom it is due” so narrowly that no mortal person could ever qualify. In this case, we’re willing to help those who have real need; we just haven’t ever met any of them. We’ll give money, as long as the person has a job, a history of successful financial management, and a foolproof system of accountability in place. We act as though there is no room for mistakes with God’s resources.

Take note, however, that Solomon uses the word “neighbor” in Prov. 3:28, and the Bible suggests that “neighbor” is a pretty broad category. (See Luke 10:25-37.) We can’t justify our failure by obscuring what God has made clear.

Both errors result directly from pride. The first one says “I can be Jesus for this person.” The second one says, “Not even Jesus could help that person.” In both, I put myself at the center, and I have not cultivated the fear of the Lord.

Application

There are many ways we can apply this aspect of humility, but two especially come to mind for our generation. We must not withhold truth in confrontation, and we must not withhold life in evangelism.

Confrontation

Let’s admit it: we simply don’t know how to do it well. The Bible says, “You shall reason frankly with your neighbor” (Lev. 19:17), and I say, “but I don’t want to hurt his feelings.” The Bible says, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt” (Col. 4:6), and I say, “but I’d better let him have it.” In other words, we usually make the Sucker’s Choice[1] between being truthful or being respectful, but the Bible commands us always to do both. If we disagreed with each other more honestly and more respectfully, we’d make better decisions, resolve more conflicts, and build deeper relationships. As William Blake wrote in “A Poison Tree,”

I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

Evangelism

I’ll admit it: I generally don’t want to do it well. It would mean I’d have less time for what I want to do. I couldn’t hide behind my fears, nurturing them and helping them to flourish in my heart. People might not like me. It would be awkward and uncomfortable, and 5 minutes of comfort matter more to me than someone’s possible eternity in hell. Can you relate?

Now I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. No, my point is that you and I are guilty. Jesus knew it, and he died for us anyway. So we’re free to confess frankly, repent, and keep moving forward. Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

[1] Phrase borrowed from Patterson, et al, Crucial Conversations (New York: McGraw Hill, 2002). (Affiliate link)

Wisdom and Humility

October 3, 2025 By Peter Krol

James J Jenkins (2009), Creative Commons

Wisdom takes flight in relationships. It begins with the fear of the Lord (Prov. 1:7), gains momentum through seeking and finding (Prov. 2:1-8), and accelerates when we resist easy money and easy sex (Prov. 2:12-19). In order to gain altitude, however, wisdom must be lived out humbly in relationships with real people. Let me give an example.

I recently received some sharp criticism of my leadership in a particular area. The critic was a friend who wanted to help, but he overstated his position with unexpected severity. I was hurt and offended. I wanted to protect myself. I had lost my security—someone’s good will—and had to muster my self-respect. To prevent a total loss, I prepared a masterful retaliatory strike.

Without realizing it, I had come to a crossroads with two paths before me: Would I choose the way of wisdom or the decline to folly? In other words, did I believe all this stuff I was writing about wisdom, the fear of the Lord, and openness to change? Would I live the truth out in my words and thoughts? Would I despise instruction or humbly receive correction?

We all face the same choice every day. Whenever other people are involved, our decisions demonstrate either humble wisdom or self-reliant folly. Will we fear the Lord, breeding true humility, thinking of others more than ourselves? Or will we turn inward and love ourselves most of all?

As Rick Warren put it, “humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” In other words, both “I’m awesome” and “I’m a terrible person” are proud statements. The humble person chooses simply not to focus on himself, positively or negatively. The humble person puts others first, loving them at least as much as he loves himself. Such a person models Jesus’ life-giving death.

In the next section of Proverbs (Prov 3:27-35), Solomon prohibits a number of proud and self-protective behaviors (Prov. 3:27-30) and catalogues God’s opinions of people who engage in them (Prov. 3:32-35). Like the previous section, this passage has a center (Prov. 3:31), which this time exposes the heart of our selfish behavior.

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

Take the Obvious Step

September 22, 2025 By Ryan Higginbottom

Mahkeo (2017), public domain

If you need refreshment or encouragement, schedule some time with a new Christian. The recently-reborn often have a clarity and passion lacking in those who are older in the faith.

A friend was recently telling me about a new Christian he knows. I was thrilled to hear the steps this young man was taking! He heard biblical teaching on stewardship and finances, and he asked for helping making a budget. He was convicted about church membership, so he looked for a local body to join. He read the Great Commission and began inviting his unbelieving friends to an evangelistic Bible study.

For this young man, there is great power in recognizing and submitting to Jesus as Lord. When the master’s commands are clear, there is no room to argue.

How We Mangle Application

As we study the Bible, we often come up short when it comes to application. This is both understandable and regrettable.

Our flesh is fiercely resistant to the Spirit, so it is natural to omit application. It’s the hardest step in the Bible study process precisely because it is the most personal. Application requires repentance and faith and change, all of which are hard.

But stopping short of application is also a great tragedy. In fact, many unbelievers would be comfortable observing and interpreting the Bible. We show and pursue the fruit of the Holy Spirit when we apply God’s truth personally and corporately.

Even those familiar with solid Bible study principles may wriggle out of applying God’s word. Seasoned Christians, tired of “read more, pray more” mantras, may dig and brainstorm instead. They end up distracted by a countryside hunt when the treasure was sitting on their doorstep.

Different Kinds of Application

In an effort to seem original or deep, our chase for applications can dodge the undeniable thrust of a passage of Scripture. We approach the gold mine with a shovel and end up buried under a pile of nuance.

It’s worth re-orienting ourselves. Peter has urged us to consider two directions (inward and outward) as well as three spheres of application (head, hands, and heart). Though this makes six total combinations (our worksheet can help), not every passage will land on every person or group in all six ways.

However, dividing possible applications into these categories may lead you away from actually applying the main point of a passage. Resist this temptation! Sometimes the next steps are obvious, and instead of spending time checking boxes, we should direct our prayer and planning toward the clear application.

There may be something obvious we should believe (head application).

There may be something obvious we should embrace or love (heart application).

There may be something obvious we should do (hands application).

A Recent Example

My small group is studying Luke, and at a recent meeting we read Luke 14:1–24. In part of this passage (verses 7–11), Jesus tells a parable about a wedding feast. Jesus insists that his followers should not assume a place of honor but rather the “lowest place.” This way, if anyone is in the wrong chair, the public re-seating would be honoring instead of shameful. Jesus ends the parable with his main point: “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted” (Luke 14:11).

In our meeting, we talked about humbling ourselves. How can we remember our standing before God on a regular basis?

In the moment, I thought of an obvious application: confessing my sins. In remembering my sins and taking them to God, seeking and receiving his forgiveness because of Jesus’ work, I have a plain application of this passage. I have been trying to work this into my regular devotional life.

Find the Next Step

Not all passages have obvious applications, but some do. If you have been following Christ for many years, you may instinctively resist what seems easy and obvious. However, these applications are abundant in Scripture for a reason: We need to hear them. Often.

And, as always, remember Jesus as you apply his word. Walk toward that application in the Spirit’s power and with the understanding that—as a Christian—you are already loved and forgiven.

This was originally posted in 2019.

3 Essential Ingredients for Understanding the Bible

September 8, 2025 By Ryan Higginbottom

Nadya Spetnitskaya (2018), public domain

It’s not popular these days. So many people are counting carbs and dodging gluten. But it’s true: I love bread.

Bread is one of God’s great gifts—a gift so great that even someone with my paltry cooking skills can throw together a passable loaf.

While there are thousands of variations, the core bread recipe is remarkably simple: flour, water, yeast, and salt. That’s it.

Experts can punch up the flavor with add-ins and fancy baking techniques, but those four ingredients are essential. Without them, you might whip up something delicious, but you don’t have bread.

It’s the same way with understanding the Bible. There are a few essential elements that must be present if we’re to learn from God’s word.

The Bible

This may be obvious, but it must be said. In order to understand the Bible, we need to actually read the Bible!

We don’t need to be Hebrew or Greek scholars. God has been generous in providing plenty of quality English translations. And for most of us, these translations are easy to access.

But we do need the actual words of the Bible. Not study notes or a friendly devotional or a commentary. Not at first. We need time to read, hear, and meditate on the words of God.

The Bible is meant for Christians to read and understand. God is not trying to hide its meaning from you. You are smart enough to read and study the Bible.

If we aim to understand the Bible, we must approach it with humility.

What is true in our personal relationships is also true in our approach to the Scriptures—in order to learn, we must be convinced that we have things to learn! When we draw near to the Bible, we are submitting to an authority. We approach the bench in handcuffs, we do not bang the gavel. The posture of the Christian disciple must be one of open hands, bowed head, well-worn knees.

As we meet with God in his word, we acknowledge that we are naive and foolish. Ignorant and forgetful. Frail. Incomplete in our understanding.

But God is wise. He is experienced. All-knowing. Never forgetting. Strong. On top of all that, he loves to communicate about himself and his world through his word.

When we call the Bible “God’s word,” this is not just a synonym. This is a reassuring, bulls eye-accurate description. We must come humbly to the Bible because the God of the universe stands behind these words.

The Holy Spirit

Finally, we need help to understand the Bible. This is help that God loves to give, but we cannot understand the Bible on our own.

God helps us grasp the Bible by coming to us himself in the person of the Holy Spirit. We need the Spirit’s work and power to give us both insight and the gift of repentance.

The Holy Spirit is described as our helper and teacher (John 14:26). Paul writes that we have received the Spirit of God “that we might understand the things freely given us by God” (1 Corinthians 2:12), and that, because of the Spirit, “we have the mind of Christ” (1 Corinthians 2:16).

If you are a Christian, the Holy Spirit dwells within you. Pray and ask for his help as you read the Bible.

Closing

There is more to say about studying the Bible, of course. This website is devoted to saying more about studying the Bible! But this article is about the essentials.

Remember this the next time you seek out God in the Scriptures. Read the Bible. Approach with humility. Ask for the Holy Spirit’s help. And God will give you hearty, nourishing, sustaining food that will bring deep satisfaction to your soul.

This was originally published in 2019.

Ask Honest Questions

February 24, 2025 By Ryan Higginbottom

CDC/Dawn Arlotta (2009), public domain

A teacher asks a question. And then, silence.

The students shift in their chairs; they squirm; they avoid eye contact. More silence. This question has jumped out of the nest, tried to flap its wings, and fallen to the ground with a thud.

Too many questions by teachers and leaders go unanswered. They’re often too vague, too personal, or unclear.

So what makes a good question? Specifically, how can a small group Bible study leader ask good questions?

The Job of a Small Group Leader

A small group leader should be a persistent and skilled question-asker. Good questions are the key to helping a group understand a Bible passage, encourage interaction, and apply the main point of the text.

I put a lot of energy into writing questions for my small group. It is difficult but essential work. My group’s engagement and discussion usually rises or falls with the quality of my questions.

I want to ask my group honest questions. In other words, I want to know how my friends are thinking about and processing the text. I’m not just looking for them to agree with me.

Far too often, I’ve simply wanted confirmation of my conclusions. Through my questions—or my posture or reactions—I communicated that I was looking for just one answer. And that stopped the discussion cold. No one likes to feel manipulated.

Humility

Asking honest questions requires a mega-dose of humility. It takes a work of God’s grace within the heart.

After all, as the group leader I put a lot of time into preparation. I pray, study the text, read commentaries, and work hard on my notes. I meditate on the passage for at least a week before we meet. It’s natural for me to approach my group with confidence in my conclusions.

But I can still be wrong! My study hours don’t guarantee infallibility. I may have missed the main point of the text.

Here’s the good news: My mistakes do not doom my group. After all, God’s truth doesn’t depend on me!

If I believe the Holy Spirit lives within each Christian in my group, and if I know he gives wisdom and understanding as he pleases, then I need to hold my conclusions with an open hand. I’m not an omniscient teacher; I need to approach my group as someone who still has much to learn.

I can help my friends look carefully at the text and ask for their understanding. I can continue to seek the meaning of the text myself. God can still teach his people the truth of his word.

Handling Disagreement

To be clear, I’m not advocating for a small group free-for-all. There is immense value in a leader’s preparation.

But we must acknowledge God as the ultimate authority. We submit to him in his word. We also submit to each other as the Spirit works and opens eyes. If I arrive at my small group convinced of one interpretation but my friend convinces me otherwise from the text, I should rejoice.

Asking honest questions means I must prepare for disagreement. I might be contradicted. Hopefully the atmosphere and the people in my group mean those discussions will be gentle and loving. But I need to prepare—my reaction to a dissenting opinion makes a huge difference.

By looking surprised or offended or dismissive, I may shut down my friend and even the rest of the group. But if I am curious and welcoming and humble, inviting my friends to observe and interpret the text honestly, I communicate how much I value them and trust the Spirit to lead his people.

For me the crucial question is: Will I trust in the Lord or in my preparation?

I’ve found it rare that a Bible study leader is wildly wrong. It’s more likely that input from the group add angles and nuance the leader didn’t see at first. (Greater diversity within the group will help with this.)

For Whose Glory?

What is the focus of your small group?

Are you hoping your friends will leave your meeting raving about your teaching? Or are you committed to helping your friends understand and apply the Bible at all costs, regardless of whom the Spirit chooses as his messenger?

Give yourself to serious, prayerful study and preparation. But then ask honest questions of your group, knowing that you may have as much to learn as they do.

This post was originally published in 2018.

The Arrogance of a Little Bible Reading

July 3, 2024 By Peter Krol

Jacob Crouch has a really important point to make: Those who read the Bible only a little tend to become arrogant people, looking down on those who do not read the Bible.

One sure sign that someone hasn’t read their Bible for very long, is that they are arrogant. That might seem surprising, but it is almost universally true that someone who has spent a little time in God’s word always seems to have the answer for any situation…

When I was freshly seeking the Lord, I seemed to have all the answers for finances, marriage, and children, all while I was a broke single man. I had lots of verses in my arsenal, but I had only really been seeking God for a few years.

The cure, of course, is not to stop reading the Bible, but to read the Bible excessively. This strategy is rooted in God’s requirements for kings called to shepherd his people.

Check it out!

A Word to Those who Wish to Help Others Apply the Bible

March 15, 2024 By Peter Krol

Lately, I’ve been unpacking the process of Bible application. I’ve presented tools and exercises to help you exercise your application muscles. Your application should not sound the same for every passage. And application ought never to be boring or lifeless. Robust Bible application is precisely the sort of fruit Jesus is looking for when he comes to inspect his vineyard (Matt 12:33-37, 21:33-46).

The tools I’ve presented are especially useful to those aiming to apply the Bible for themselves. But I expect and hope that many will pass those tools along to those they lead. When God grants gifts of insight, learning, and resources, he doesn’t do it for the sake of the recipient alone. He does it so the recipient can benefit the larger body of which he or she is a member (Romans 12:4-8).

So, please do try this at home. And please also teach others how to apply the Bible.

But whether you are a preacher, Sunday school teacher, small group leader, instructor, coach, parent, discipler, or friend, you must never forget one crucial principle:

Do not try to help others to apply a Bible passage without first applying it to yourself.

I’m not saying that you must put into practice the exact same applications as the people you’re trying to lead. I’m only saying that the passage must have been applied to yourself in some way before you seek to apply it others in some way. The text must impact you before you use it to impact others.

If you fail to do this, you are a hypocrite. Not according to me, but according to Jesus.

Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye.
Luke 6:39-42

If the text has not yet opened your eyes and given you sight, anyone you lead will fall right into a pit with you. Those you teach will be like you. So if you have not applied the text, your disciple will not, either. You are not qualified to remove another’s eye-speck until you have cleared out your own eye-beam.

Only after you have applied the text will you see clearly enough to help others apply the text. How can you ask others to do something you haven’t done or won’t do yourself?

One of the most common sins of preachers and teachers is our sanitized hypocrisy that makes excuses for failing either to apply a text personally or to share vulnerably (when appropriate) how we have applied it. As believers in Jesus Christ, we must open ourselves not only to God’s word but also to one another. For a biblical defense of this idea, and an exceptionally thorough explanation of how to put it into practice, see Transparency: A Cure for Hypocrisy in the Modern Church by Joseph W. Smith III.

We require the preachers at our church to submit a worksheet to the team of preachers, detailing their study of the text they are preaching two weeks out. One of the questions on that worksheet says:

How will you personally apply this passage’s main point to your life? (You may or may not share these particular applications in your sermon, but if the text hasn’t moved you, you’re not yet ready to try to move others by preaching it.)

May practices like this become common among all who teach the Word of God to others.

Disclaimer: As my application of Paul’s command in Romans to be subject to the governing authorities, I must notify you that clicking the Amazon link above and buying stuff will provide a small commission to this blog at no extra cost to yourself. Thank you for your support.

Creating an Atmosphere for Discussion in Your Small Group

March 1, 2021 By Ryan Higginbottom

Most Bible studies are marked by periods of silence that last just a little too long.

These silences usually happen when the group leader asks a bad question. I’ve recently written about the characteristics of a good question, and I’ve provided some examples.

Now we turn to another reason for unanswered questions: a group atmosphere that discourages interaction.

A Bad Atmosphere

The culture of any group takes a lot of time and effort to create, but after the culture is established a lot of decisions and behaviors become automatic. When everyone is expected to share prayer requests or stay afterward to play Backgammon, those activities develop into part of the routine.

A small group leader should aim to create a group atmosphere in which deep, vibrant conversation is expected. When this is the air we breathe, few good questions will go unanswered.

Creating a Good Atmosphere

A small group leader has an enormous influence on the group’s culture. There are at least four ways a leader can work to create a climate that encourages good discussion.

A Leader Must Value Discussion

Perhaps this is obvious, but a small group leader needs to value discussion in order for it to happen. They need to be convinced it is actually good—both for the group and for the leader—to have conversation in the group.

Many leaders know that the question-and-answer model is expected, but deep down they resent it. They think the group would be better off if they could share their knowledge without interruption—and a brain-to-brain download would be even more efficient!

Having attended classes and small groups for twenty-some years, I can tell when a leader values discussion and when they are just playing a part. And, if you’re a leader, trust me—your friends can tell whether or not you want to hear from them.

Hear this, leaders: Conversation is the best way for your group members to learn and grow. And discussion is also better than lecturing for you, as a leader. Your friends are not the only ones who need to listen, engage, and learn!

A Leader Must Invite Discussion

Inviting discussion is different than tolerating or even welcoming it. Leaders who value discussion will invite it from their group members—regularly and emphatically.

How does a leader invite discussion? They ask for it. They work hard to write good questions. And they thank their group members (both during and after the meeting) for their participation.

A small group leader should also look forward to conversation with their group, and they should say so. They should note the ways they learn and benefit from their friends’ insights, comments, and questions.

A Leader Must Engage in Discussion With Love

A great indicator of how much a leader values discussion is the way they listen and react when discussion actually happens. If conversation serves only as filler in the leader’s mind, they will be impatient or inattentive when others are talking. If this sort of leader is listening at all, it’s only to spot another opportunity to speak.

Our posture, our eye contact, our expressions, and our engagement with answers from our friends all communicate our desire (or lack of desire) for discussion.

Now, leaders need to be prepared to field some off-the-wall comments. We should be gracious in response, praising what is praiseworthy without affirming every point. This takes care, because a leader’s bad reaction to an answer will squash any further discussion during that meeting (and possibly for meetings to come).

When a small group member hijacks the conversation or shuts it down, the leader may need to speak with that person privately to explain how their behavior is affecting the group. And if this persists, that leader may need to ask questions targeted at (or away from) specific members of the group.

A Leader Must Pray

Though this item is last in my list, it is first in importance. A good small group leader should pray about all aspects of their group, and this includes the in-meeting discussion.

If we believe that the Holy Spirit is needed to understand and benefit from the Bible, and if we believe that the interaction offered in a small group study is vital for gaining this benefit, then we should regularly bring this request before the Lord.

Clearer Skies

The atmosphere in a small group Bible study can be like smog in a big city, choking out all possibility of vibrant conversation. But with some adjustments, a leader can aim for the blue skies and fresh air of wide, open spaces, where discussion will flourish and Christians can grow mightily in the Lord.