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Wisdom in Disappointment

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Cover of Time Magazine, August 18, 1980
Cover of Time Magazine, August 18, 1980

My dear mother gave birth to me to me only a few weeks after Christmas in the middle of the Carter administration. And I’m the type of person who really, really enjoys getting gifts. These two ingredients mixed themselves into a toxic brew of the most disappointing kind, because, for most of my childhood, friends and relatives would give me only one (1) present – to cover two holidays – sometime during the first week of January. They’d accompany the present with a pacifying sentiment like “I hope you enjoy this Christmas/birthday gift!” But Christmas had already come and gone without any word from such interested parties. The day of my birth likewise came and went without fanfare. From the beginning, my life was designed to disappoint.

"Gift" by asenat29 (2006), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License
“Gift” by asenat29 (2006), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License

Disappointment saturates our fallen existence.  Some disappointments are relatively minor, like having your birthday forgotten or discovering concert tickets are sold out. Other disappointments, like receiving a notification of divorce, suffering a debilitating accident, or losing a child, might plague us for decades. Whatever the situation, God the Father is always present, using our disappointment to draw us closer to him. The way of wisdom leads through disappointment and on toward the Lord.

How Disappointment Works

Before we dig into the text of Proverbs 3:1-12, we must understand how disappointment works.

We feel disappointed when our expectations are not met. Sometimes we lose what we expected to keep. Sometimes we miss what we expected to gain. At other times we experience something we expected to avoid. Expectations infiltrate our motivations, and they come with a price tag: our happiness. They dash our hopes. They convert healthy relationships into needy ones, and they make people bitter and irritable.

Maybe you expected to enjoy your job more than you do. Maybe you expected your parents to respect you as an adult. Maybe you thought church would be more exciting, or that marriage would solve your lust problem. Maybe you expected to be financially stable by now. Maybe you just hoped to get noticed every once in a while.

In short, you wanted something, but didn’t get it (or you liked something but lost it). You feel disappointed.

Two Ways to Handle Disappointment

When unmet expectations produce disappointment, we need a way to cope. Most people take their disappointment in one of two unhelpful directions: either in & down or out & around.

"Spiral Staircase" by Roberto Verzo (2010), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution license
“Spiral Staircase” by Roberto Verzo (2010), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution license

1) Those who take disappointment in & down tend to see themselves as the source of the problem. Perhaps, they reason, their expectations were too high. They mentally relive the situation and assume it won’t get any better. They might lower their expectations to avoid further disappointment, even to the point of losing hope. These people might believe God is disappointed with them for failing him. They feed the downward & inward spiral until they bottom out in full-fledged depression. They read passages like Proverbs 3:1-12, but refuse to get their hopes up. So they always go back to Job and focus there, because that’s how life really is.

For example, if your friends forget your birthday, and if you take your disappointment inward, you might begin to assume that nobody will ever remember your birthday. You don’t want to be a burden to people, so you say nothing about it. You lower your expectations to the point where you’re surprised and uncomfortable if your birthday comes up in conversation. You begin thinking of God as a distant authority figure. He’ll let you into heaven because he has to, but he’s pretty discouraged by what he ended up with when you became a Christian. As God and men continue to disregard you, you get even more discouraged, justifying your hopelessness. You’re trapped in a heartbreaking cycle.

2) Those who take disappointment out & around tend to blame others for causing the problem. They pity themselves and expect others to join the party. They might attack those whom they perceive to be the offenders, by complaining, scolding, or sucking the life out of them until they change. They’re difficult to work with because they always have a critical remark or a better idea. These people might believe God is against them and has failed them. They feed their disapproval until they gain a reputation for anger and aggression.

Dowager Countess

For example, in season one of Downton Abbey, Downton Village prepares for its annual flower show. The Grantham Cup is supposed to go to the “finest blooms” at the show, but the Dowager Countess of Grantham (played expertly by Dame Maggie Smith) has won the cup as long as can be remembered. The Countess’s flowers are clearly inferior to those of the aging commoner Mr. Molesley, but she has used her title and prestige to pressure the judges for so long that she’s certain to win again. She’s become so skilled at enforcing her expectation of victory that she doesn’t even realize when she’s doing it. Only when she chooses to deny herself and award the trophy to Mr. Molesley, does she handle her own expectations in a non-abusive manner.

We get trapped in these two spirals (in & down, out & around) all the time, and there’s no end in sight. But, God enters our disappointment to break the cycles. He helps us to look up & over our disappointment that we might see him, our loving father.

Jesus Enters Our Disappointment

We feel disappointed when our expectations are not met, and then we tend to blame either others or ourselves. But God came to earth to rescue us from slavery to disappointment.

"Cemetery Cross" by Joel Kramer (2011), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution license
“Cemetery Cross” by Joel Kramer (2011), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution license

He sent his Son, Jesus, to live among us and experience our disappointment. The night Jesus was betrayed, he expressed his great disappointment to his closest companions: “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death…My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me…[Friends,] could you not watch with me one hour?” (Matt 26:38-40). On the cross, his disappointment climaxed: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matt 27:46).

But Jesus’ disappointment didn’t turn him away from his Father. He didn’t blame himself for expecting too much from a dark, dark world. He didn’t bend the situation to his own will, coming down from the cross or calling platoons of angels to fight for him. No, rather than running away from God, Jesus let his disappointment bring him closer to God. His dying words were: “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit” (Luke 23:46).

As Hebrews puts it, Jesus was a son who “learned obedience through what he suffered. And being made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey him” (Heb 5:8-9). In other words, because Jesus drew close to God through his suffering and disappointment, he opened the way for you and me to do the same. He died to bring us salvation, and he lives to bring us close to the Father, despite our disappointment. But how?

Next week, we dive into Proverbs 3:1-12 which will help us along the way.

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

Revisiting Two Tries to Heal the Blind

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I wrote once about how the larger context helps us to understand why Jesus took two tries to heal the blind man of Bethsaida (Mark 8:22-26). I offered two theories that both fit the data.

  1. To provide a picture, a living parable, of his two tries to heal the disciples’ spiritual blindness.
  2. To provide a picture, a living parable, of the two stages of sight the disciples must go through to understand who Jesus is.

Here now is a clear piece by Benjamin Gladd arguing in favor of that second theory. He walks through the text, highlighting what is happening in Mark’s larger argument regarding the disciples. In the process, Gladd demonstrates how to read the story of the blind man contextually and carefully.

Check it out!

Wisdom Delivers for the Long Haul

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We’ve seen how wisdom delivers from evil and adulterous people in Proverbs 2:12-19.  Now we see what it delivers us for.

So you will walk in the way of the good
And keep to the paths of the righteous.
For the upright will inhabit the land,
And those with integrity will remain in it,
But the wicked will be cut off from the land,
And the treacherous will be rooted out of it (Prov 2:20-22).

Deliverance FOR endurance on the right path (20-22). When you become wise and keep seeking wisdom, you will persevere on the paths of the righteous (Prov 2:20). The Lord promises to preserve you to the last day, when he will judge the wicked and treacherous (Prov 2:22) but stabilize the upright in his kingdom forever (Prov 2:21).

"Holy Land - Pool of Bethesda, Jerulsalem" by Jenny King Mellon (2009), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License
“Holy Land – Pool of Bethesda, Jerulsalem” by Jenny King Mellon (2009), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License

Solomon here describes those who “inhabit the land,” referring to God’s treaty with Abraham and his offspring to give them a good land (Gen 12:1, 7; 13:15-17, etc.). They wearied of living in tents and wanted to establish roots in a land of their own. About 500 years later, Joshua pioneered this promised frontier on behalf of Abraham’s descendants. Yet after another wait of more than 1000 years, Jesus the True Joshua (“Jesus” and “Joshua” are the same name in Greek and Hebrew respectively; like “Peter” and “Pedro” in English and Spanish) led those who would believe in him to find ultimate and lasting rest (Gal 3:16). We who trust in Jesus now find stability “in the land,” resting from our works as God did from his (Heb 4:8-11). In other words, we don’t need to do anything to make God happy; by living the life we ought to have lived and dying the death we deserved to die, Jesus already did it all for us.

This last point is critical, for our hope for becoming wise must not be in getting everything “just right.” We’re all guilty of failing to listen, doing crooked things, and entertaining ungodly sexuality. Our own brokenness condemns us, and the consequences of our choices gnaw at us. But it’s never too late to turn around. We’re never beyond the reach of God’s rich mercy in Christ. The only way to qualify is to realize we’re not qualified. This weakness will strengthen us in wisdom. We’ll quit depending on ourselves, and instead turn to the Lord of wisdom. As we trust in him, we’ll draw closer to him and become more like him. In short, that’s how we become wise.

The process for becoming wise is really quite straightforward. Get in the habit of listening to advice and seeking out help. Trust in the Lord and become more and more like him. Then you’ll become a different person who loves what God loves; you’ll make choices that take you away from evil and immorality and toward righteousness and stability.

Do you think it’s worth it to become wise?

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

Jesus Walking on Water Echoes the Old Testament

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What is going on when Jesus walks on the water in Mark 6:45-52? What is Jesus revealing about his identity?

Brandon D. Crowe explains the many Old Testament connections that show Mark’s purpose in recounting this event. Crowe shows that Mark uses language the same way many Old Testament passages use language to describe the coming of God himself to deliver his people.

Jesus is the eternal “I am” who has become incarnate and leads his people in a new exodus toward the peace of the true promised land. Just as he was with his disciples 2,000 years ago to guide and protect them, he continues to be with us today. Despite the opposition we face in this world, his purposes will prevail and the salvation he has accomplished for his people is secure.

Check it out!

Wisdom Delivers from Adulterous People

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Last week we saw that wisdom delivers from evil people. Proverbs 2 moves on to yet another deliverance that occurs when we make different choices.

So you will be delivered from the forbidden woman,
From the adulteress with her smooth words,
Who forsakes the companion of her youth
And forgets the covenant of her God;
For her house sinks down to death,
And her paths to the departed;
None who go to her come back,
Nor do they regain the paths of life (Prov 2:16-19).

Deliverance FROM adulterous people. An understanding person will choose not to engage in sexual activity with anyone but a spouse. This lifestyle means avoiding even flirtatious speech (Prov 2:16) and emotional intimacy or companionship (Prov 2:17). God designed erotic activity to build oneness in marriage. Pursuing a sexual relationship outside of marriage results in a type of death (Prov 2:18) that leaves a lasting stain in one’s history and memory (Prov 2:19). A failure to repent of such a lifestyle will ultimately lead to everlasting death in hell.

empty road leading through misty forest
Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV on Pexels.com

We must understand that Solomon’s warning is not limited to sexual intercourse with a married person (one overly-literal way to interpret “going to” an “adulteress”). All sexual activity is, well, sexual. Thus, all sexual activity and flirtatious speech with someone other than a spouse is included in Solomon’s warning. The discerning person will stay far from that path, delighting in God’s generous plan for marriage. Solomon gives much more detail on this theme in Proverbs 5 and 7.

Note that, as with the first category, the most dangerous and deceitful relationships can be with those who attend church or who claim to follow the Lord. Some people who would never consider something clearly immoral, like spending the night with a prostitute, will give themselves to various forms of sexual activity with another person who has a smattering of religious commitment. In his perceptive satire Evangellyfish (Moscow, ID: Canon, 2012), Douglas Wilson illustrates such a scene through the eyes of a fictional youth pastor:

Every month or so the stress of youth ministry—dealing with the kids and all their issues—would get to Johnny, and so he would head on over to Brandy’s apartment to have her give him a neck rub, followed by her specialty back rub. But somehow her giving him a back rub always turned into him giving her a front rub, and then they would fall again.

…Brandy gave him a few back rubs back [when she was a student in his youth group] that brought them perilously close to the edge, but honestly, there was no front rubbing until after she graduated… That meant that when they finally followed the manner of all the earth, they were not violating the professional standards of youth ministry, but rather simply the seventh item on an ancient list which was from the Old Testament anyway.

Here in Proverbs 2:16-19, the adulterous woman “forgets the covenant of her God” (Prov 2:17). In chapter 7, she’s someone who offers sacrifices at God’s temple (Prov 7:14), so we can see that in some sense she was indeed a member of the community of God’s people. Such people can be chief among those who offer temptations. We must constantly guard our hearts and set up boundaries for healthy relationships. The wise – whether male or female – will exercise discernment and turn from “the forbidden woman.”

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

3 Ways to Overcomplicate Your Bible Reading

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Jacob Crouch wants to encourage you to read your Bible. In so doing, he warns of three common pitfalls he’s seen that tend to overcomplicate things:

  1. Studying every passage
  2. Setting unrealistic goals
  3. Having no goals

while this seems like it shouldn’t be controversial to say, I have found that almost every person I talk to in the American South (and I’d imagine is true of a lot of places) has never read through the Bible in it’s entirety. And it’s not just in nominal, cultural Christians. It is often in well-meaning, genuine Christians. Some are even leading in church or para-church ministries. For these people, I don’t think the problem is sincerity, but rather an overcomplicating of the Bible-reading process. I want to shine a light on some common mistakes and hopefully help you avoid them.

Check it out!

Wisdom Delivers from Evil People

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Wisdom delivers by enabling us to make different choices.

Delivering you from the way of evil,
From men of perverted speech,
Who forsake the paths of uprightness
To walk in the ways of darkness,
Who rejoice in doing evil
And delight in the perverseness of evil,
Men whose paths are crooked,
And who are devious in their ways (Prov 2:12-15).

"Deception Pass" by gemteck1 (2008), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License
“Deception Pass” by gemteck1 (2008), Creative Commons Attribution

Deliverance FROM evil people. A discerning, godly person will choose not to join evildoers in their evildoing. This lifestyle means rejecting hurtful speech (Prov 2:12), deceitful cover-ups (Prov 2:13), godless delights (Prov 2:14), and devious behavior (Prov 2:15). The wise person knows that the most dangerous of all potential influencers are those who claim to follow God, but who by their actions have forsaken his way (Prov 2:13).

I’ll give an example. We once hired a contractor to upgrade one of the mechanical systems in our house. About a week after the work was completed, we discovered that we should have gotten a permit from the local code office for this work. So I called the contractor to ask if he had gotten one and had just forgotten to communicate with us about it. Now he claimed to believe in God, but his response was something like: “Is the code office after you? Just tell them you had only a little bit of work done, and they’ll leave you alone.”

This course of action was unacceptable to me; I knew that a deceitful cover-up would dishonor God and come back to haunt me someday. I should have researched the local ordinances more carefully, and I had to deal with the consequences. So I contacted the code office and told them of my situation, offering to do whatever I needed to do to make it right. The assistant at the office told me to fill out an application and include a note saying that I wasn’t aware of the permit requirement before the work completion date. Once I did, the permit was issued, and I don’t think they even charged a penalty.

The point is: I had to make a different choice. Part of that choice involved not being influenced by an outwardly godly but inwardly deceptive approach to the situation. Those who have heard and received God’s wisdom are equipped to label “the way of evil” correctly so they can avoid it and its consequences.

This post was first published in 2013 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

Use Context to Resist Satan

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J.A. Medders reflects on the fact that the devil hates context. He’ll quote scripture but ignore what’s present right in the immediate context. We should make sure we don’t do the same. (My co-blogger Ryan once made a similar point.) In fact, by employing context in our Bible study, we’ll be better equipped to resist the wiles of Satan.

The devil took Psalm 91:11–12, applied it to Jesus, and left out the context. And here’s why: verse 13 is an allusion, reminder, and reinforcement of the promise God made in Genesis 3:15. There in the garden of Eden, as sin rippled through the universe, the devil heard his doom—someone would be born who would crush his head. And his name is Jesus of Nazareth, the Son of God. He didn’t want to think about Jesus and verse 13.

Check it out!

Wisdom Delivers

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"Imperial Bodyguard" by Jay Adan (2010), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License
“Imperial Bodyguard” by Jay Adan (2010), shared under a Creative Commons Attribution License

When we become wise, we receive heavy-duty protection and deliverance, but it’s important to realize how this protection works.

Discretion will watch over you,
Understanding will guard you (Prov 2:11)

It is not as though we may continue in our foolish ways and then hope for a sudden miraculous rescue from their consequences: “Lord, I cheated on my taxes and now the IRS is after me. Deliver me from their persecution!” Wisdom’s threat in Prov 1:28 should have rid us of any such misconception.

In Prov 2:11 it’s clear that the promised deliverance is more mundane than it is miraculous. It goes like this. When we listen to wisdom, God gives us discretion. He changes our hearts so that we desire what he desires. Then, when we act according to God’s desires – employing our God-given discretion to the daily decisions we face – we make different choices that result in different consequences. Instead of racing headfirst toward suffering and pain, we act in a more life-giving way. We will choose not to do evil, harmful things and to do good, stable things.

Over the next two Proverbs posts, we’ll see what such discretion delivers us from. After that, we’ll see what such discretion delivers us for. If you can’t wait, just read the rest of Prov 2:11-22 to see for yourself.

This post was first published in 2012 and is part of a series walking through Proverbs 1-9.

Good Old Fashioned Biblical Literacy

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Ben LeBlanc has a wonderful and thoughtful piece on “How One Gen Zer is Gaining Biblical Literacy the Old-Fashioned Way.” In the article, he tells the story of how he had to go without a smartphone for two years in Bible school, and it transformed the way he approached the Scripture.

Not only does online life erode our capacity to read, but it distorts how we read by cluttering the page with links, notifications, and widgets. In one study, participants found it harder to recall what they’d read as the number of links in an article increased. And research by Nielsen shows that online readers don’t read: They skim and “powerbrowse”, moving their eyes across the page in a spasmodic F-pattern.

LeBlanc offers three practical suggestions for how to avoid such dangers and improve your own experience of the Lord in his word. You’ll have to go see them for yourself.

Check it out!