Helping ordinary people learn to study the Bible
Scott Hubbard wants you to know four things about the Bible’s portrait of a sluggard:
Hubbard does a great job correlating the teaching of Proverbs on the character of the sluggard. In the process, Hubbard models terrific head and heart application.
The climax of interpretation is to determine the author’s main point. And while there’s rarely a single, “correct” way to word the main point, some ways of phrasing it are more helpful than others.
As the climax of interpretation, the main point is the final rest stop before entering the territory of application. Your statement of the author’s main point represents the sum total of all your work to that point. The main point answers your most important why questions. And your main point ought to be 40-weeks-and-two-days pregnant with the answers to your most important so what questions.
As you craft your statement of the author’s main point, avoid the temptation to include everything the passage says. Your goal is not to include every thing but only to capture the main thing.
And the way you capture that main thing matters. Think of observation and interpretation as a high plateau covered in a dense forest. You’ve examined the trees, but you’ve grasped the way they fit together into that forest.
But at the edge of that forest is a cliff, dropping off into a vast canyon. That canyon represents application. And the closer your main point gets to that cliff’s edge, the better it is—both for yourself and those you lead in Bible study. Aim to get close enough to the cliff’s edge that you won’t need to push yourself or others too hard to get into application. All you have to do is blow, and you’ll all fall right into it.
In other words, your main point is the Roadrunner. Your goal in crafting a main point is to get that Wile E. Coyote (be he yourself or those you lead) out of the forest and up to the edge of the cliff. Even better, get him six feet out beyond the cliff’s edge. Once he realizes he’s there, all he needs to do is fall.
Your main point should be a clear, concise, and compelling statement of the truth of the text. You don’t want it to be obscure, such that nobody knows what it means. You don’t want it to be lengthy, such that nobody can hold it in mind. You don’t want it to be dry and dusty, such that nobody knows what to do with it.
You’re not inventing the idea; you’re only phrasing it in a compelling way. So your main point should clearly capture the truth of the text while also clearly implying a variety of applications.
For example, I could state the main point of Eph 4:1-16 as follows: “As a church, we must walk in the sort of unity worthy of God’s calling on us in Christ.” That would be true and accurate, scoring bonus points for using the very language of the passage. However, I can take the same truth and rephrase it in a more compelling way, getting myself and my people right up over the canyon of application: “Diversity shouldn’t divide the church.” Once I put it that way, I raise all kinds of questions about our church and what sorts of things we permit to divide us.
Let’s take Proverbs 30:1-6 for another example. I could state the main point as: “God’s Son and his Word communicate his truth and wisdom to us, providing refuge to the weary.” Or I could state it as: “You can find heaven’s wisdom on earth.” If we had more time to discuss it, I’m sure we could improve it even further.
One more example, from a narrative: 1 Kings 21. We could phrase the main point as: “God’s people were expelled like Amorites because their kings abused power and refused justice like Amorites.” That statement captures what this narrative gets at, especially regarding how it would have landed with the original audience. But perhaps another way to phrase the same truth for a modern audience (even if that “audience” is only myself) is: “Sellouts will be found out.”
In each case, do you see how my rephrasing of the main point hangs us out right over the canyon of application? I won’t need to push myself or others into application. All I have to do is show how deep the canyon goes. And we’ll fall right in.
Each rephrased main point raises immediate questions about our current situation, need, or status. It begs us to ask more implicational questions. And it drives us toward proper belief, values, or action in service to Christ.
Next time you work on a passage, give yourself some time to think long and hard about the main point. Not only what it is but how to phrase it. See how far you can get yourself off the cliff of interpretation and out over the canyon of application. Of course, without actually turning the main point into any particular application. This takes quite a bit of thought, but the effort is extraordinarily rewarding. Your future self—entrusted with the business of applying this text to life—will thank you.
I want you to understand that you can get the main point of a Bible passage you’re studying. That’s why, in addition to providing some techniques, I’ve given you a number of examples from different text types in the Bible.
Before we move into application, there’s one last thing you should know about main points: They are not the same as summaries.
An accurate summary may be the climax of observation, but a main point is the climax of interpretation. A summary states what the passage says; a main point states what the passage means. A summary describes what happens; a main point captures the text’s essential argument.
A summary of Prov 31:10-31 might be “a description of a virtuous woman,” but the main point is to show what sort of woman is worthy of praise.
A summary of Luke 18:1-30 might be “parables and conversations about prayer, righteousness, and the kingdom of God,” but the main point is that the kingdom of God comes when people humble themselves, receive it as children, and leave some things to gain everything.
A summary of Ephesians 4 might be “unity in the body of Christ, and the new life,” but the main point is that diversity shouldn’t divide the church; but when it does, stop thinking about it the way Gentiles do
Why does this distinction matter?
Sometimes folks who study the Bible mistake the main point for a summary. They put in the work of analyzing a text and they can outline its contents. But it’s dangerous to then take those contents and attempt to apply them, because they have little rational basis for applying them in one way and not another.
A summary is most helpful when you need to find something or remember where it’s located in the Scriptures. (“There’s a great parable about two men who prayed to God from a desire to be righteous before him. Let’s take a look at Luke 18 to see how that worked out for them.”) But a main point is crucial when it comes time to provoke change unto Christlikeness.
We’re on shaky ground if we apply only select details of a text to our lives. It’s shaky because it’s possible to go in nearly any direction with application. Using only the details enables us to steer the ship of our own lives on a heading most pleasing to us.
But the best way to express submission to the Scripture and the Holy Spirit who inspired them is to grasp the author’s main point. Then there’s nowhere to hide and we must give account to the one who exposes our every thought, word, and deed.
That’s right: A clear grasp of the author’s main point is the best way to ensure your application is clear, direct, and organically arising from the text and not from your own invention.
For example, Genesis 1 clearly teaches about the creation of the world. There’s your summary of the chapter: The creation of the world. But until we can explain—from the text!—why this chapter narrates the creation of the world in the way it does, we have not yet grappled with the author’s agenda. His message. His main point.
So if all we come away with is “the creation of the world,” then we can apply the text in all sorts of ways. We can expect folks to line up with a particular view of how the creation took place. We can promote it as something to be taught in schools. We can debate the findings or usefulness of scientific theories based on their relationship to the details of Genesis 1.
Please note: I am not saying that any of those applications are necessarily bad things to do. I would argue only that they are somewhat ancillary to the author’s main message. Therefore, we’re in danger of putting most of our attention on things other than the thing the Lord wanted us to get from this text. And the Lord Jesus tends not to look favorably on those who ignore the “weightier matters” of his word in favor of secondary matters, however true those secondary matters might be.
In my book Knowable Word, I argue that the main point of Genesis 1 is that God’s creative work sets a pattern for human dominion of the earth—a pattern of illuminating, shaping, and filling. Every detail in the text moves the reader in this direction. I would argue that God certainly did the creation the way he describes it in this chapter; this is neither theological poetry nor historical fiction. However, the mechanics of the act of creation are not the main thing; the main thing is the pattern set for humanity.
Once we recognize the author’s intent to establish a divine pattern for human dominion—for the way life on earth was designed to work best—we’re ready to develop robust application for any community, anywhere in the world. We’ll understand how this pattern becomes the template for evaluating what happens to humanity in the rest of Genesis, and the rest of the Bible. And we’ll take greater delight in the Lord Jesus who lived out the pattern on behalf of his people and now transforms them to follow him in it.
I’ve argued that you can get the main point; you’re not reduced to making a wild guess every time you study a passage. A few key skills will be most helpful:
Last week I gave some examples of how this works from narrative and discourse texts. Now let me show you some brief examples of poetic texts.
This chapter of Proverbs functions almost like a discourse, with tight logical reasoning.
The thesis clearly comes in the first five verses. The rest of the poem supports that thesis with a variety of reasons and consequences.
The main point: The Lord delights to grant a delivering wisdom to those who listen and search for it.
It’s easy to get lost in the details of this famous poem. However, my colleague Tom Hallman, who recently preached the most helpful sermon I’ve ever heard on this text, demonstrated beautifully how the structure and train of thought communicate the poem’s main point.
You can find Tom’s extended outline (color-coded!) in this Google Doc. The outer frame of the poem (Prov 31:10-12, 27-29) sets up a large chiasm—a structure where the second half mirrors the first half in reverse order. But instead of continuing a single, long chiasm, he embeds two shorter chiasms in the middle.
The main ideas of each of those embedded chiasms are brought together in the poem’s conclusion (Prov 31:30-31).
The repeated idea that keeps coming up is how this woman is to be praised. And the woman in view is not a young woman, a potential marriage partner. She is an older woman, having lived a life of wisdom. This poem is not a checklist for a potential spouse but a lifetime achievement award for a woman of wisdom.
Check out the linked doc for details. The structure and train of thought demonstrate that the poem’s main idea is to show what sort of woman is worthy of praise.
I admit that the Prov 31 example gets a little complex. And Tom told me he didn’t see all this himself. He noticed a few things, and then tracked down and assimilated the helpful insights of others. It took him some time to sharpen his observation and interpretive questions and answers.
But I hope all of these examples give you some hope that this can be done. You don’t have to make a wild guess at the main point. Keep observing. Keep asking and answering questions. Nail down the structure as best you can, and figure out how the author moves from the beginning to the end. Where does he draw conclusions or highlight particular ideas?
Please know that I am not offering these main points as definitive or unquestionable. These main points are only the best I can do with my current understanding of those texts. But they are open to debate or sharpening.
Some of my favorite small group discussions take place when others challenge what I thought was the main point. When folks do that well, through careful observation and interpretation of the text, we all win.
As you improve in these skills, you’ll gain both facility and confidence at identifying the main points the Spirit of God wishes to communicate through the Scripture.
In recent posts, I’ve been trying to help you get the most out of the interpretation phase of your study. We’ve considered different uses for different types of questions, the power of implicational questions, and the best place to find answers to your questions.
Another way to think of the value of implicational questions is that they help us to grasp how the original audience would have applied the text. When we ask our questions with the original audience in mind, we’re more likely to land on the true message and proper application of the text.
Our understanding of a text will be strongest—and therefore our application will hit home with greatest force—when it is very closely connected to the author’s primary intent for his audience.
So we do as much as we can to put ourselves in the shoes of those who first read this text, and to consider what this passage calls them to believe, love, or do.
To do this, we must pull together all of our work in observation and interpretation so far. All our questions and answers, along with our work on the context: historical, biblical, and literary.
In Proverbs 31:1-9, King Lemuel’s mother offers him wise counsel for kings and rulers. She tells him what not to do with his strength (Prov 31:3) and mouth (Prov 31:4-5), and she promotes what he ought to do with his mouth (Prov 31:8-9a) and strength (Prov 31:9b). There is a time an place for forgetting (Prov 31:6-7), but during one’s exercise of kingly rule is not it (Prov 31:4-5).
Thus far my observation, with some progress on definitive, rational, and implicational questions. But how would the original audience have applied this poem?
It may be tempting to go directly to contemporary application, considering how we make use of our own strength and mouth, and whether we employ them to wise, selfless, and just ends. Such time would certainly be profitable, but perhaps a less direct route will lay an even stronger foundation for application.
The book of Proverbs is something of a manual for training up nobles and rulers in Israel. When Solomon speaks to “my son” in chapters 1-9, he is speaking not only to his direct heir but also to all the youth among the nobility (see where Prov 4:1, 24:21, etc., where the “sons” are either plural or are not in direct line to the throne). So if we apply every passage directly to the Christian “everyman,” we lose something of the book’s focus on training leaders.
The people of Israel hearing Proverbs 31:1-9 may not have immediately considered how they used their own strength or mouth. After all, many of them would be in the category of those for whom it would be appropriate to forget their poverty (Prov 31:6-7)!
Instead, upon hearing this text, they would be far more inclined to consider what sort of king they need to rule them in wisdom. They might expect their king to take this poem more personally than they themselves do. And if he wouldn’t, they would keep waiting and watching for another such king to arise.
Such consideration of the original audience helps us to see Christ more clearly in the text. And since we have been united to him through faith, it remains appropriate to apply the text to us today. But having gone through Christ to get to application, we’ve ratcheted up the urgency and persuasiveness.
In order to determine a text’s implications on the original audience, we must be able to identify who that original audience is. Such identification is quite tricky for narratives, for at least two reasons.
The first reason is that we often don’t know who the precise audience was. It would be difficult to nail down exactly which generation was the first audience for Joshua, Judges, Ruth, 1-2 Samuel, or Esther. We can’t be too precise about the audience for some of the gospels, as we’re not told. In all such cases, we must remain fuzzy, though it still helps to know “these people needed a king,” or “these people must have been Jewish Christians.”
The second reason the identification is tricky is that we often confuse the text’s audience with the text’s characters. So when studying the sermon on the Mount, we might find ourselves putting ourselves in the shoes of those who were present, listening to the sermon as Jesus preached it. But instead, we ought to put ourselves in the shoes of those reading the book that Matthew wrote.
So the implications of the text on the characters within the text might help you to understand the text. But what’s even more significant is to grasp the implications of the text on those who first read the text.
When you can clearly answer the question of “how would they have applied it?” you’ll be far more likely to get a strong answer to “how should we apply it?”
I’ve always been puzzled—but fascinated—by Proverbs 30:15a:
The leech has two daughters: Give and Give.
Prov 30:15a, ESV
The NIV puts the “gives” in their mouths rather than in their names:
The leech has two daughters. ‘Give! Give!’ they cry.
Prov 30:15a, NIV
Regardless of whether “give” is their label or their lingo, what is going on in this proverbial saying?
The next stanza, about four things that are never satisfied, certainly relates.
There are three things that are never satisfied,
Prov 30:15b-16, NIV
four that never say, ‘Enough!’:
the grave, the barren womb,
land, which is never satisfied with water,
and fire, which never says, ‘Enough!’
The demands (or names) of the leech’s daughters are parallel to these four things that never say “enough.” Just as the grave is never satisfied with the size of its membership, and fire never decides it’s time to pack up and go home—so also there are leech fathers and daughters who will always demand more and more and more.
Okay, that makes sense, but what is the point? What wisdom is the sage trying to teach here?
These sayings about perpetually dissatisfied things come right between two stanzas about a generation that rejects the wisdom of ages past. A generation that believes itself to be on the right side of history, having developed beyond the antiquated wisdom of its ancestors.
There are those who curse their father
Prov 30:11-14
and do not bless their mothers.
There are those who are clean in their own eyes
but are not washed of their filth.
There are those—how lofty are their eyes,
how high their eyelids lift!
There are those whose teeth are swords,
whose fangs are knives,
to devour the poor from off the earth,
the needy from among mankind.
The eye that mocks a father
Prov 30:17
and scorns to obey a mother
will be picked out by the ravens of the valley
and eaten by the vultures.
So what is it that drives such a generation to reject the wisdom of previous generations? To curse and mock fathers and forefathers?
Could it be an insatiable drive for more? A perpetual lack of satisfaction?
Or is it the other way around? Is it the rejection of ancient wisdom that causes the perpetual dissatisfaction of a generation of leeches? Such that, when you lose your grounding in the reality of God’s world, you have nothing left but to make increasing demands of the people and the world around you?
The leech has two daughters. Not only in ancient Israel, but quite alive and well today.
Last week, I introduced three types of interpretive questions and their various uses. Of those three types, I find that implicational (or “so what”) questions tend to be the neglected second cousins of the bunch. Because people often don’t know what to do with them, they fail to give them a try.
Perhaps you’d like to see what power longs to be unharnessed by them.
When I teach Bible study skills, people sometimes have difficulty coming up with implicational questions, but that’s usually because they’re thinking too hard about it. They believe their questions ought to be awe-inspiring and profound.
When it comes down to it, implicational questions ought to be the easiest to ask, because they all sound almost exactly the same.
But though they’re easy to ask, implicational questions can be some of the most difficult to answer. They require us to learn how to think and draw inferences. They require us to reason from one proposition to another. They expect us to get into the shoes of the original audience and hear the text the way those people would have heard it.
Because of the ease of asking but difficulty of answering, we often forget to even bother asking them. Most of our interpretive questions fall into the rational category, and we camp out in exploring the passage’s “why.” And please don’t get me wrong: The “why” is the heart of interpretation, so we ought to camp out there.
But the implicational questions provide that crucial bridge from interpretation into the beginnings of application. So if you find yourself having interpreted the text, but you’re still confused about how to apply it, perhaps you ought to try some implicational questions. Utilize their power to advance your study.
I was recently studying the theme of truth or guidance in the body of the book of Proverbs (Proverbs 10-31), and I came across the following gem:
Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence,
Proverbs 12:17
but a false witness utters deceit.
If I want a thorough picture of Proverbs’ teaching on the topic of truth, I must grapple with this verse. But doesn’t it sound elementary? As though it’s not doing anything but defining terms?
Does the Bible really need to tell us this? Isn’t it like saying good people do good things? Or lazy people do lazy things? Isn’t that self-evident? Why did God even need to say it?
The more I thought about the verse, the more I realized my rational questions were getting me nowhere.
These questions all had the same basic, elementary answer, which is that a person’s actions derive from that person’s habits or nature. But this point is rather obvious and could have been made in any number of ways. Why make that point in this way on this particular topic of truth-speaking in court?
When I finally tried out some implicational questions, however, I started getting somewhere.
Such questions are easy to ask but difficult to answer. I had to slow down and consider them extensively. And as I did, the more I realized that saying “a false witness utters deceit” was somewhat like saying “boys will be boys.” Or better yet: “haters gonna hate.”
Yes, we understand intuitively that a persons actions derive from that person’s nature. And our world is filled with people who say that their word is their bond, but who keep acting in deceitful and underhanded ways. Actions truly speak louder than words.
So when a person utters deceit, it is appropriate to grow wary of them and begin to perceive them as “a false witness.” And when a person consistently gives honest evidence, it is only natural for them to acquire a reputation as a “truth-speaker.”
So considering the implications of the verse helped me to understand that it may be here, at least in part, to teach us that our words will always catch up with us. I may be able to deceive some people some of the time, but I’ll never be able to deceive all the people all the time. My deceit will catch up with me, and people will take notice. Or alternatively, my integrity will catch up with me, and people will take notice.
When I’m faced with a situation where I might be tempted to lie sinfully, I ought to consider not only the present consequences but also future ones. What I say right now will affect my reputation going forward. It will affect whether or not people can trust me. Can I live with that, in light of the choice presently facing me?
I’m sure you can see I’ve now transitioned into application. I still have only principles and general ideas. But it shouldn’t be too hard to take those principles, remember Jesus, and get specific.
What do you do when people turn against you? When those who reject the Lord Jesus Christ come after you for daring to follow him? When nitpicking and backstabbing are the standard operating procedure in the workplace? When family members use guilt and pressure to manipulate you into doing what they want?
What do you do when your friends turn against you and become your enemies?
The book of Proverbs refers to such situations as “strife,” and I’ve previously addressed the causes and complexities of such strife. It’s one thing to try to avoid strife. But what do you do when the dam breaks and the water has come rushing out (Prov 17:14)? When your enemies come after you, and there’s no possibility of staying away?
God does not ask his people to live as idiotic simpletons or punching bags. God wants his people to overcome strife and evil (Rom 12:21). But the way you overcome it matters. To win the fight in the wrong way is to lose.
To begin with, the Lord doesn’t expect you or me to try to take his place. None of us can get what we want or predetermine any outcomes. That means we can’t control what others will do; we can control only what we do.
Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man.
Proverbs 3:3-4
When we focus on what we can do in the midst of strife, we are best equipped to live in a way that pleases the Lord. To speak and act with steadfast love and faithfulness and so imitate the God who has shown steadfast love and faithfulness toward us.
Once we’ve got the right mindset, we’re ready to practice five tactics found along the way of wisdom.
Do not say, “I will repay evil”; wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you.
Proverbs 20:22
Strife often tempts us to assert our rights—especially the rights to make a defense and to see justice served. But the middle of a heated conversation is typically not the best time for asserting such rights.
The repayment of evil could take the form of vengeance. Even socially acceptable vengeance. For example, if a bully trips a kid walking down the hallway, nobody would complain if that kid got the bully back by tripping him in another hallway. Similarly, when someone shouts and swears at you, it might feel like justice to shout and swear back. But the wise wait for the Lord to deliver them.
The repayment of evil can also take the form of simply seeking to set the record straight or present your resume of good deeds. But it’s usually better to keep quiet and let your enemy show off his folly for all to see.
A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.
Proverbs 29:11
The Lord honors such wisdom, when a person waives their right to speak their mind or to defend their actions. But it feels like death to do this.
If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.
Proverbs 18:13
The fool always comes out swinging, spouting accusations. But the wise person knows that there is always more to a situation than meets the eye. So—even when they feel great offense by the terrible and false things said about them—they know they don’t have all the facts, and they take the time to hear out their accusers.
And no matter how ridiculous the accusations may appear, something remarkable happens when—instead of going right into their defense—a wise person instead asks questions.
It’s amazing how disarming such questions can be. Perhaps you really screwed up, and your enemy is just not expressing his concern in a wise manner. If you are wise, you can still learn from it. And if your opponent’s perspective is foolish and unreasonable, your honest questions may give every onlooker the opportunity to see that folly and unreasonableness for themselves.
The Lord honors such wisdom, when a person chooses not to defend themself but makes sure they first have fully understood their opponent’s perspective. But it feels like death to this, especially if you are the only person who cares about trying to understand before being understood.
When it’s eventually time for you to speak and offer some of your own answers, you’ll want to do it as compellingly as possible.
That means minding your tone:
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1
It also means speaking only verifiable truth:
The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.
Proverbs 15:2
If you have done the work of calming your enemy down by asking loads of questions, and by communicating how much you desire to understand their perspective, why would you then wreck the whole thing by responding with a harsh word? Why would you let your disappointment and frustration take over? A harsh word will accomplish nothing except stirring their anger back up.
And if you are wise, your tongue will commend knowledge. In other words, it will formally praise the truth. It will present what is true as something worthy of approval and acceptance.
Maybe that sounds self-evident, but most of us don’t do it.
The Lord honors such wisdom, when a person minds their tone and speaks only verifiable truth. This is how they make the truth compelling. But it feels like death to do this, especially if you are the only person in the room who seems to care about such gentle truth.
When our self-protective alarm systems kick in, we’re generally quick and eager to defend our every word and deed. But the way of wisdom is to be patient and not be hasty in rendering such self-acquittal.
It is a snare to say rashly, “It is holy,” and to reflect only after making vows.
Proverbs 20:25
So don’t be so quick to label your actions or motivations as holy in the heat of the moment. Don’t be quick to judge yourself as being without guilt. Don’t let fear drive you to make irrational excuses for yourself.
Who can say, “I have made my heart pure; I am clean from my sin”?
Proverbs 20:9
It is true that we must not make stuff up or apologize for things that aren’t sins (Isaiah 5:20-21). But even with that said, it is simply a fact of reality that I am still a sinner who has not yet been made perfect. I should be able to find something in the accusations against me that has a ring of truth. I can take ownership of that, call it what it is, and confess it authentically, without a hint of bitterness or resentment.
The Lord honors such wisdom, when a person doesn’t make excuses, but takes ownership to confess everything they can legitimately confess as sin or weakness. But it feels like death to do this, especially if you are the only person in the room who seems to take any responsibility for their own actions.
In the midst of strife, some people are desperate to please themselves, so they fight until they win. And other people are desperate to please their enemies, so they stop fighting and roll over, just to calm things down.
But the Lord says there is only One whom we must please. And if we do, in fact, please him, it changes everything.
When a man’s ways please the Lord, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.
Proverbs 16:7
Is this for real? We’ll need one more post to examine how the Lord Jesus overcame his enemies so that our ways might please the Lord.
When conflict gets messy and personal, the book of Proverbs refers to it as “strife.” And the first objective for a man or woman of wisdom is to avoid strife whenever possible. The Lord declares those who avoid strife to be honorable (Prov 20:3).
But sometimes, it’s just not possible, is it? There are times when we make costly mistakes that cause strife. And there are times when strife hunts us down regardless of how hard we try to avoid it. What do we do then?
Navigating strife requires a wise and mature perspective. Reject the folly of simplistic answers, because human strife is quite a complex dynamic between people. Immature solutions will only end up making it worse.
Though the wise will try to avoid strife whenever possible, they recognize that once it squirts out, you can’t try to shove the toothpaste back into the tube and pretend nothing happened.
The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.
Proverbs 17:14
“Letting out water” is the ancient equivalent of “toothpaste out of the tube.” Water has no shape in and of itself. When the dam breaks, the water gushes, and you’ll never get it back to where it was.
So the wise understand that sometimes, it becomes too late. When the quarrel breaks out, you can’t stuff it up and pretend that nothing happened.
So if you explode in anger at someone, it’s not okay to come back the next day and sweep it under the rug. Yes, it’s uncomfortable to talk about. Yes, it’s awkward and difficult. No, you don’t want to be tempted to explode yet again.
But once the dam breaks and the water is out, we now have something we must talk about and reconcile.
Now, that sort of conversation works only between reasonable people who want to do what is right. What if you couldn’t bail in time for a quarrel to erupt with someone who is a fool?
If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet.
Proverbs 29:9
The thing a wise person will understand is that most fools do not want to resolve strife. They want only to be right and to be served. And the harder you press on them to back down, compromise, or find righteous resolution, the more you will only subject yourself to ongoing rage and ridicule.
So there is a time and a place for the wise to not pursue reconciliation with someone who does not want it.
When Jesus was on trial before wicked men who had already made up their minds, Jesus did not try to reconcile things with them! He simply stood before them as silent as a lamb led to slaughter. He had a more important task underway than reconciliation with raging fools.
Now in the book of Romans, the apostle Paul commands Christians to live at peace with all men, so far as it depends on you (Rom 12:18). So do all you can to serve, to persuade, and to reconcile. But please recognize the intricate complexity of strife with fools.
The time is likely to come when the best thing you can do is close your mouth and just slowly step away.
Another thing that makes strife complex is how personal it can get. And because it gets so personal, strife has the effect of hardening people to one another.
A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.
Proverbs 18:19
This verse talks not about a fool but about a brother. Someone close to you, from your own family! Even perhaps, from the family of God.
Sometimes, strife arises from a deep violation of trust and respect. Dealing with such strife is quite complex, because we cannot expect trust to be restored very quickly.
For example, let’s say a person discovers their spouse viewing pornography. This is nothing short of adultery, and it often causes feelings of severe pain and betrayal. The offending spouse may be willing to come clean, ask for help, seek counseling. They may even take drastic action to cut the sin out of their life. There is a transaction of forgiveness that must take place.
But even when forgiveness is requested and granted, there remains a fortified city that must now be won over. Trust is not quickly restored.
It is legitimate for a person to forgive someone for an offense, but to also to need more time to see real change before they can let down their walls to trust again.
Please don’t ignore such complexity. Be wise about recognizing it and allowing for it.
One last thing about the complexity of strife is that there is always more than one way to perceive a situation.
The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.
Proverbs 18:17
Perhaps you have a friend who has been deeply hurt, or who has been struggling with a certain relationship. It is godly and needful to come alongside that person with a listening ear. Ask questions and listen to their pain and hurt. Ask them what went wrong and how it could be improved.
But the wise person will keep in mind that this person’s perspective is not the only perspective. Cross-examination is a basic principle of justice that God built into societies.
So while it’s one thing to care for a friend by empathizing with what they have experienced, if you are ever called upon to make a judgment about a situation—or to attempt to fix it or assist with reconciliation—it is not wise for you to draw conclusions after hearing only one side of the story.
To give a rather straightforward illustration: When a family has more than one child, there is bound to be strife among siblings in the home. And when my wife and I became parents, we committed ourselves to never bring disciplinary action against a child on account of the accusation of a single, embittered sibling.
In other words, my son, if you tell me that “he hit me!”—that is not sufficient to warrant a judgment of discipline.
More evidence is required. And the accused always gets to have just as much of a hearing as the accuser. If there were any other witnesses, that might be enough. If there is video evidence, that helps. Or if the accused confesses to the crime, then we’ve got the right suspect.
But a he said/she said is never enough to convict. That goes for parenting. That goes for society’s justice system. And that goes for counseling and advising your own friends.
Wouldn’t the world be such a better place if social media had algorithms built into it to recognize that the first one to label himself or herself “victim” seems right, until others come and examine them? I am not saying that people who claim to be victims are wrong. I am only saying that all sides of a situation must be heard and evidence must be taken into account, before any sort of objective judgment is drawn.
Strife sure is complex, isn’t it?
You can’t pretend it didn’t happen.
You can’t resolve it with a fool.
Trust is really hard to restore.
And there are always more sides to the story.
Part of what it means to fight like a Christian is to recognize such complexity. Yet awareness is only the first reaction, the fundamental perspective a wise person ought to develop amid situations of strife. Once the complexity has been recognized, what is the wise man or woman of God to do about it?
That will require us to search out more proverbs to guide us.
Conflict is hard.
By “conflict,” I’m referring not to everyday disagreements, but to the sort of disagreements that look like knock-down, drag-em-out fights, that turn people into enemies of one another. The book of Proverbs refers to such situations as “strife.”
These are situations with neighbors or coworkers who find every opportunity to ridicule your Christian faith and try to make you angry so you slip up. Or classmates who act respectfully in public, but in private their mouths pour forth repulsive profanity and epithets in your direction. Or extended family members who point out your every flaw, claim they know you but they really don’t, and wield their expectations and gossip like hot pokers to manipulate you into doing what they want.
Sometimes Christians think God wants them to become punching bags. And at other times, perhaps in rejection of the punching-bag approach, Christians harden themselves to the point of arrogance and condescension toward their opponents.
But what does it mean to fight like a Christian in situations of strife?
Make no mistake: Enemies are real, and God wants his people not to fall before enemies but to overcome them. And the way we fight is what makes the difference.
Sometimes we get this crazy idea that protecting one’s honor means not turning aside from a threat or a fight. And to back down from a fight is cowardly.
But such notions are contrary to the Lord’s definition of honor. They are nothing but schoolyard foolishness.
It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling.
Proverbs 20:3
The Lord values and honors the person mature enough to keep aloof from strife. Those who enjoy, initiate, or perpetuate quarrels are fools. They’re after their own self-respect and self-image, and are therefore to be avoided whenever possible. Even if it feels like you are giving up quite a bit, or suffering in the shadow of death, to do so.
Now there is a time and place for protecting the innocent and standing up for the rights of the oppressed.
If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small. Rescue those who are being taken away to death; hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter. If you say, “Behold, we did not know this,” does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it, and will he not repay man according to his work?
Proverbs 24:10-12
So the Lord certainly calls his people to fight at the right time and for the right reasons: When the innocent or naive are under threat. When the good and safety of others is at stake.
But not merely to defend one’s own honor.
So it is wise to be aware of those situations when strife is likely to break out, so that, whenever possible, you can avoid them. And when are those times? What are some potential causes of strife we ought to avoid?
First, we should watch out for those with a history of quarreling.
A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating.
Proverbs 18:6
If you have seen someone quarreling in the past, they are likely to continue it in the future. If you have a history of getting drawn into quarrels with someone, it may be best to avoid that person. Because the more opportunity you give a fool to talk, the more he will invite you to beat on him. And you’ll be sorely tempted to grant him this wish.
Second, watch out for pride.
By insolence comes nothing but strife, but with those who take advice is wisdom.
Proverbs 13:10
“Insolence” is the sort of pride that isn’t merely self-centered, but self-centered in a way that rejects instruction, refuses correction, and tries to cancel those who disagree.
So when someone has a track record of attacking people who try to help them, you are better off staying away. When you know such a person is likely to pick a fight, just keep your advice and correction to yourself.
That’s right. Sometimes you can best avoid strife by keeping your mouth shut, and by not offering instruction that might help someone, when you know they don’t want it.
So when your classmates or coworkers have potty mouths, it is probably wise not to correct them, lest they turn to direct their venom at you. It is not wise for Christians to see themselves as the “sin police,” or to take it upon themselves to call people out whenever they do something wrong.
No, please save your correction for those who will receive it. Or for those situations when the innocent are being harmed, or the naive could be led astray. You can avoid strife by not offering advice or correction where it is not wanted.
Third, watch for hot tempers.
A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.
Proverbs 15:18
Make sure you keep a check on your own temper. Self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, so controlling your own spirit is critical. It is also wise to recognize when others have a hot temper, so you can avoid them whenever possible.
The thing about anger is that it always makes us feel right. We think in the moment that getting more heated will persuade others to agree with us. But in truth the only thing a hot temper ever accomplishes is to stir up strife. So avoid it in yourself and others.
Finally, watch out for backbiting.
The north wind brings forth rain, and a backbiting tongue, angry looks.
Proverbs 25:23
This is related to anger and foolish speech, but a backbiting tongue is an insidious companion. This is what happens when temper and folly go passive-aggressive. So perhaps we don’t crank up the volume and start shouting. Instead, we turn down the volume and mutter things under our breath. Or we wait until the conversation is nearly complete, and then we toss out a biting closing statement like a shot of napalm.
Perhaps you get to the end of a tense conversation that resulted in a difficult compromise. Those engaged ask one another whether this is now settled, and you respond with, “It’s fine.” And your backbiting tone communicates that the situation is anything but fine. But if anyone follows up and asks what’s wrong, your defense is already locked and loaded: “I said, it’s fine! Gosh, what’s wrong with you people!”
And it’s clearly not fine. Perhaps because you weren’t honest enough up front about your full concern. Or perhaps because you have lost hold of your self-control when you needed it most. Either way, just as a north wind in the Middle East brings rain, so now your backbiting tongue brings angry looks which lead to strife.
So in the end, the way of wisdom is to avoid strife whenever possible. Beware of hot tempers, quarrelsome behaviors, insolent attitudes, and backbiting tongues.
This really feels like death, doesn’t it, to avoid strife, when the world shouts that we’re cowards unless we defend our own honor? Yet to fight like a Christian means avoiding the fight whenever possible.
But sometimes, it’s just not possible, is it? There are times when we make costly mistakes that cause strife. And there are times when strife hunts us down regardless of how hard we try to avoid it. What do we do then?
We’ll need to look at more proverbs for further help.
